Choices
by jenncgf
Summary: We all make choices every day in life. Some are more difficult than others. Those choices, in part or full, can take us to interesting places. Rated M for later chapters.
1. To Be or Not To Be

CHAPTER 1

"Ah, Commander! Good thing you're here."

The sound of the guard's voice finally broke the monotony of three days of silence, soon to be four. Nathaniel didn't pay much attention to what was said after that, instead choosing to study the famed Commander of the Grey, who must have just arrived earlier in the evening. It was nothing like he was expecting.

For someone who was painted as a larger-than-life woman who supposedly single-handedly ended a civil war, put the remaining member of the Theirin family on the throne, brought two supposed high-level traitors to justice, and then gathered and led all of Ferelden's able-bodied men and women to support her while she slew an Archdemon with her own hands, she was remarkably quiet in nature. He would have thought she would be loud and obviously charismatic at the very least, not soft-spoken and nearly withdrawn.

Oh, she stood out from a crowd easily. She moved with the grace of someone skilled as a master thief and had symmetrical purple tattoos on both cheeks. Coupling those with huge green eyes full of intelligence and a lovely face, it was no wonder that she had managed to make so many men speak of her as if she was a goddess and not a mere human. She did look tired, but Nathaniel assumed that was because of the comments the guards made when they changed shifts about the keep being attacked by darkspawn and the Hero of Ferelden coming to drive them off when a dozen or more other Grey Wardens could not. It was her eyes... while quick and observant, (she was studying him as she spoke with the cell guard, much like Nathaniel was studying her) were closed off, even sad.

_What is she grieving for? She should be thrilled – after all, everything has gone her way, right? Not like some of us... _

Nathaniel didn't trust her. Either she was a consummate actress, or his judgment of others had weakened over the years. He seriously doubted the latter.

The cell guard handed her the keys to the cell and walked off. She poked around the chest with Nathaniel's things briefly, and then approached the cell. Nathaniel stood and approached her as she unlocked the cell and entered. He made a snide comment about her status, and how she should be monstrous in size and appearance. She studied his face again, and answered simply, "I see my reputation precedes me." No bragging, no confidence. She just looked … tired.

_So the game is on, is it? The one where you try to gain my trust, get me to tell you anything you want to know about my family, and then hang me afterward so you can claim me a traitor like you did my father before you murdered HIM. Let's begin so we can end it. I do not fear death._

Nathaniel did everything he could to antagonize this woman, this … Cousland. She hadn't remembered him personally, of course. Nathaniel was sure he wasn't important enough to her to actually remember. She did have some interesting things to say about his father, though:

"Your father brought his end on himself."

"How much do you know about your father?" As if Nathaniel wouldn't know his own father. Granted, Nathaniel had spent the last several years squiring away from home, and he said as much, but still. Shouldn't a man know his own _father?_

More cat-and-mouse, more of each party figuratively circling the other while trying to poke around for hidden clues as to the other's intentions. Nathaniel only was able to get a reaction twice from Elissa Cousland, first when he mentioned that what happened to her family was horrible. For that, she closed her eyes and struggled to maintain her composure. He caught a flicker of horror there. _Understandable,_ he thought. _Still, good to know she's not made completely of stone and has feelings for something. Strong reaction though, there's more to that story than has been told. _The other was more surprising. She had mentioned that he should work to redeem his family's name, and he sarcastically mentioned joining King Alistair's service because "he'd be certain to give a Howe another chance!" At the mention of King Alistair, the Commander shut her eyes again and the look of grief that she had been mostly hiding came to the surface – but only just for a moment. If Nathaniel hadn't been searching for a reaction, he would likely have missed it.

_Interesting. _

Finally, Nathaniel had had enough of the questioning. "Go ahead and do what you're going to do!" he nearly shouted at her. He figured he would be hanged for sure. After all, he was a Howe, wasn't he? And knowing what she did about him and about how dangerous he was, (did everyone think that him getting past four Grey Wardens was such a big deal? They weren't exactly quick on their feet, or even prepared, after all!) he figured the logical solution was that she would rid herself of his threat once and for all. He admitted he had been planning to kill her, hadn't he? At least this farce of a trial would be over so she could claim the right of high justice and Nathaniel would no longer have to listen to his family's good name smeared across the country.

He was wrong.

The seneschal came to the dungeon and spoke with Cousland. She..invoked the Right of Conscription?

"You WHAT?" 

_You can't be serious. You want me to work under your COMMAND?_

After both the seneschal and Nathaniel argued with Elissa, to no avail, he followed her to the throne room in a daze to attempt to join the Wardens.


	2. Sadness and Trust

CHAPTER 2

Nathaniel's dreams were odd, to say the least. He dreamed of … talking darkspawn? Surely those didn't exist, did they?

Slowly, Nathaniel started to regain consciousness. He had a splitting headache, but even with that, years of training had taught him to appear fully asleep until the last possible second. All the better to surprise anyone who might be trying to attack you while in your sleep. He overheard a conversation as he quietly came back to the real world.

A deep, gruff voice, with a little bit of slurring: "How are you holding up, Commander? Last I saw you, you...weren't looking so good."

A sultry, feminine voice that Nathaniel recognized as Elissa Cousland's replied after a moment. "I'll … I'll be all right. I had thought we would discuss things, work something out, but he was right. It would have been dishonorable for him to have a wife and a mistress, no matter how common it is for many of the nobles, and he and I would have eventually resented each other if that sort of … arrangement … had come into being. But it took a while, Oghren. I'll not lie. I'm not really over it, even now."

"I thought for sure you would have died on the rooftop of Fort Drakon. You had the look of someone who wasn't coming back."

"I didn't want to come back, but things don't always work out as well as we plan them. Apparently I still have some purpose here, and even after … even after everything, I couldn't risk having him die."

The deep voice rumbled threateningly, "I guess, Commander. But still, if that pike-twirler shows his face here again anytime soon-"

Cousland interrupted, "You will treat him with the respect he deserves. Just because he and I have philosophical differences doesn't mean that he hasn't already earned our respect as a good ruler."

"Aye, aye, I understand. Except for that philosophical thingy, whatever THAT is."

"Thank you, Oghren. You should get some sleep – it looks like we're going to be busy instead of taking time to recruit and train new people properly."

"You going to be okay with the kid over there?"

"I'll be fine," and a low chuckle, "after all, I survived you and Zev, didn't I?"

"Damn elf." And then the muttering gruff voice disappeared down the hallway, coming up with obscenities that even Nathaniel had never heard before in all his time in the Free Marches.

Cousland spoke again quietly, "You don't have to pretend you're sleeping any more. You're good, so I couldn't tell how long exactly you'd been awake, but I didn't want to scare Oghren."

Nathaniel opened his eyes to find himself in the bedroom he had lived in when he last inhabited the estate. "You're the first person I haven't fooled, I think," and slowly got up. Andraste's blood, was his head pounding!

"I made you some tea. You didn't take long to wake up, which is good. That means your body should adjust a lot faster to the blood you drank. When you're ready, let me know. There are some things I need to tell you about being a Grey Warden, most of which you probably are not going to like to hear. But you need to know about them, so you can be informed going forward."

"So this IS a punishment then?" Nathaniel asked, holding his head and moving over to the table where Elissa was pouring tea.

Elissa finished pouring the cup, and moved sugar and milk to where Nathaniel sat across from her. "I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but no. I don't believe that a person's parentage determines who that person is and how they are going to act. I do believe, however, that you don't have all the information you need to decide about your father's and my actions over the last year and a half. Based on what I already have learned about you, I think you might feel differently about how I chose to resolve the … issues that I came up against."

Nathaniel raised his eyebrow as he drank his cup of tea. "Then why conscript me? After I admitted that I had been planning to kill you, regardless of whether or not I'd changed my mind? For all you know, I was lying and I could steal into your room later and finish what I'd originally set out to do?"

Elissa shook her head. "That's not who you are. You, Nathaniel Howe, are NOT your father." She said it so emphatically that Nathaniel actually looked up at her in surprise as she continued. "You are honest to a fault. You are honorable, intelligent, and skilled in battle. You obviously have excellent mental and physical fortitude to have weathered what amounts to solitary confinement for three days and nights without looking like you were about to tear your own hair out. I need good people who have those qualities to join the Wardens, and you need a purpose, a place where people will not judge you based on what your father did."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes and studied the Cousland for a moment. She looked back at him, her eyes clear and open except for the sadness that seemed to be ever-present. He gave in first and shrugged. "You seem to know everything about me. Yet you only met me earlier this evening and clearly didn't remember about my presence before that."

Elissa shrugged herself. "I'm good with people, or so I'm told. And you have learned a great deal about me as well. We people-watchers recognize our own kind." She poured herself a cup of tea and sipped it. "Anyway, I need to tell you what I know about being a Warden and what it means to have the taint in you."

After a brief explanation, where she informed Nathaniel about his shortened life span, the ability to sense darkspawn, how an archdemon was usually slain and the difficulties in having children for Wardens, and lastly what little she knew about the new threat of talking darkspawn, she ended with, "I'm sure you have questions for me. Do you want to ask them now?"

Nathaniel thought for a moment. "Yes, I do. One is … personal, though," and he paused as he was reluctant to continue.

Elissa correctly interpreted the pause, "Yes, about King Alistair. You no doubt heard the rumors and at least part of my conversation with Oghren, so I'll give you the short version. Yes, we were involved with each other. Yes, it ended. After the Landsmeet. Alistair feels that he needs to produce a child as part of his duties as king of Ferelden, and since two Wardens together having a child is unheard of...well, you're a smart man." She stated this as a matter of course, but with the sadness in her eyes intensifying.

Nathaniel cleared his throat, "Ah, well, thank you for the explanation. The other question is what makes you think I'm honorable?" He was genuinely curious about this, since her only knowledge of his actions thus far was that he had broken into what was now Grey Warden property and had been planning to kill her.

Elissa actually smiled a bit and chuckled. "Well, a few things. You take the dirtying of your family's name very seriously, for starters. I thought you were going to try to take my head off when I suggested that the entire family was to blame when it was only your father who did serious damage to the Howe name. You passed that test nicely, by the way."

Nathaniel looked up. "You were...?" He shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised I guess."

Elissa continued. "Also, your lockpicks weren't among your personal effects. Since you are clearly a highly intelligent man, I presume you did not leave them behind to break into the estate? And I also presume you learned the same trick I did, that you hide your lockpicks in your hair in case of being caught?"

Nathaniel's hand automatically went to the back of his head, where his braid was gathered to continue down the back of his head. The lockpicks were, indeed, still there. Elissa just chuckled. "I thought so. It's a shame the Wardens who caught you were clearly not the best we offer. I would have thought that the Orlesian forces would send some of their best. Anyway, I think that in this case, choosing to wait a possibly ignoble fate when being caught fair and square indicates a high level of honor."

Elissa rose up from her chair and walked to the door of the room. "This will be your room. It seemed to suit you. Oh, and the next time you think death is preferable to an empty life," she looked at Nathaniel knowingly as he rose an eyebrow in acknowledgment, "don't try to goad someone who understands the concept entirely too well. You have a dual purpose now, to be a Grey Warden and to clear the stain your father put on your family's name. That will have to keep you going when things get difficult. Take it from someone who has been there." She quietly exited the room, gently closing the door behind her.

Nathaniel stayed up late into the night, thinking about what Elissa Cousland had said. ___She truly is a very strange woman. I can't decide whether I trust her or not. I need to learn more._


	3. The Past

CHAPTER 3

The next several days proved to be incredibly busy for the new Warden-Commander, which gave Nathaniel an opportunity to observe how she operated and study what she was like. He learned some interesting things about her. He learned that she was thoughtful, considering options in her mind before acting. She WAS very good with people; nearly everyone at the Vigil, servants to seneschal, seemed to genuinely like her. She listened when people told her things and remembered what they had to say, and would take what they said seriously. She would try to talk through a situation before resorting to violence, but if she was attacked, she would not hesitate to draw her bow and engage her opponent fully. When this happened, she would not draw out death but would try to make her kills as clean as possible. Nathaniel found himself wondering more and more what exactly had happened with his father to have earned her attention.

As it turns out, he didn't have to wait very long. The four Wardens – Elissa, Anders, Oghren and himself – were checking the courtyards before heading out of the Keep one day when Nathaniel spotted a surprising, and familiar, person.

"Groundskeeper Samuel! Is that really you?" Nathaniel was truly glad to see a friendly face. Samuel had been good to him and his sister and brother, and he had always liked the now-aged elf.

"Well, if it isn't little Nate!" Samuel exclaimed. They caught up for a moment, and Nathaniel caught Elissa staring at him in surprise as he became excited to find out that his sister Delilah was still alive. She readily agreed to allow him to look for her when they went to the city of Amaranthine next, and in fact mentioned that they needed to go there anyway. So they packed up their things and went.

It was in the marketplace that he saw Delilah. He approached her, and got her attention. Delilah was thrilled to see him, at which time he noticed Elissa relaxing and smiling a little.

_Was she worried about me seeing my sister? Whatever for? _

Nathaniel and Delilah started to converse, and he became confused. He had assumed upon hearing about her marriage to a local merchant that she was finding a way to avoid poverty, but she seemed _happy._ Not only that, referring to their father as "evil" was quite the shock. Out of everyone, Nathaniel assumed Delilah would be able to tell him that, for certain, the rumors about their father were overstated.

Seeing his shock, Delilah suggested the two catch up for a while. Nathaniel readily agreed and they found a quiet spot in which to sit and chat while the other Wardens went about their business in the city.

After Nathaniel learned about Delilah's husband and new home, he told her about how he'd been conscripted as a Grey Warden and how he was staying at Vigil's Keep with Elissa Cousland as his commander.

"The poor woman," Delilah sighed. "She's been through so much, although I guess it was a while ago now. Still, you don't survive what she has and just forget about it."

"What do you mean? What happened?" Nathaniel was confused. "I'd heard stories and rumors, but while some of it was fairly horrible -"

"You don't understand. There are … things … which somehow never made it to the public that Father did to the Couslands." Delilah looked down at her hands, and after weighing something in her mind, decided to speak. "You know Thomas joined the army, right? Well, before that he had been one of Father's troops and he told me stories about what the soldiers who had been at Highever Castle had done." She looked up at Nathaniel, horrified. "Nathaniel, Father's men didn't just kill the Cousland family. They slaughtered the entire castle, down to the squires. And they... they...were BRAGGING. About what they did to the women. Before they killed them."

"What?" Nathaniel breathed in horror. "They didn't...but that was the men, not Father.."

"No, they bragged about the trophies they'd taken from the women they had violated. They had been told that the more … trophies … they had collected, the higher a bonus they would get." Delilah's voice was but a whisper by now. "And, Nathaniel, Eleanor Cousland, the Teyrna, they held her down in front of her husband while Father..."

"Maker's breath, no. NO! It can't be true." Nathaniel was in utter disbelief. "It just...it can't..."

"Nathaniel, you need to hear this. I couldn't believe it either, but the things I saw Father do after that... the things Thomas told me Father did that he didn't think Thomas knew about – the torture, people dying who were innocent of any crime... And Elissa Cousland was _in the castle_ when Highever attacked. She managed to escape at some point and showed up at Ostagar, on the day of the battle there that wiped out the King's troops and most of the Grey Wardens. Her brother was presumed dead at that battle and was only found after the Blight had been quelled." Nathaniel didn't want to believe it, but Delilah was looking at him with the expression she only used when being deadly serious. "Father went insane, Nathaniel. He was _evil_. And the worst part, he didn't look or act like he was possessed by a demon. It was all just him. He NEEDED to die, Nathaniel. If Elissa Cousland hadn't stopped him, he would have killed Loghain and anyone else who stood in his way until he had the crown. And he was not fit to rule, Nathaniel. He was …" Delilah shuddered. "He did all of it, Nathaniel. Everything that anyone has said he'd done. And likely more. He was capable of manipulating Loghain into doing all the awful things that Loghain had attached to his name."

Nathaniel sat there, stunned. _How could he change so much? How … why? I can't believe it! Why would he choose to … to … this is horrible! I defended this man?_

Nathaniel was still in shock when he rejoined the rest of the Wardens. He didn't remember all that he said, but he did remember saying he needed to think. Elissa did not push the matter and let him follow the rest of the group in silence.

A couple of days later, he stood outside the study door and knocked. "Come in," he heard Elissa's voice call. He entered, and sat down.

"I need to know what happened. At Highever Castle. When... when it was overtaken. What I've heard … what my sister told me … is it true?"

His horror must have shown on his face, because Elissa rose from her desk as her face paled. "I thought that the events of that day would die with me," she murmured. "It seems that someone else remembered in greater detail than Fergus' and my family merely dying." She looked at Nathaniel's face as she added, "I take it some of your fa- some of Rendon's people were not particularly close-lipped about it?" Nathaniel nodded mutely. "I don't know if you want to hear this. It's … it's not pleasant. I haven't even told Fergus about it, because it would destroy him. Are you sure?"

"I need. to. know. If I don't know the truth..." Nathaniel just looked at Elissa pleadingly.

Elissa sighed. "Very well then." She sat down in the other chair on Nathaniel's side of the study desk, and began describing that day in a wooden voice. "Father sent for me early that afternoon, after having practiced archery in the yard already that morning. He asked me to watch the castle and perform as acting Teyrna while Father and Fergus were travelling with the troops to Ostagar to aid King Cailan. Rendon was there, as was the Ferelden warden commander, a man named Duncan. Rendon tried, yet again, to set me up with your brother Thomas. I declined, saying I wasn't interested in an arranged marriage.

"Anyway, Duncan was supposedly there to test one of our men, Ser Gilmore, as a potential recruit for the Wardens. He indicated an interest in me also as a recruit for the Grey Wardens, but Father refused on the basis that he didn't want to see both of his children off to war at the same time." Elissa shook her head. "You see how that turned out. Anyway, most of the rest of the day passed uneventfully, with the exception that Bann Loren's wife had arrived to keep my mother company while the men went off to war. And Rendon's men had been delayed in their arrival to Highever Castle, so Father decided to send Fergus off with Highever's forces that evening, and he chose to ride with Rendon the next morning, Bann Loren's son Dairren acting as his second.

"We said our goodbyes and I turned in for the night after my brother left with our forces. I had an unsettled feeling for most of the day, which I attributed to nerves because of running the castle in Father's stead, so I took my mabari to my room to sleep. It turns out that this had been quite lucky. In the middle of the night, strange noises woke me up. It sounded like a lot of knocking and crashing, and the occasional scream. My mabari was at the door growling, which probably saved my life as he attacked the first of Rendon's men who came through the door.

"I was able to get dressed with my dog's warning, and had fortunately been in the habit of keeping my bow in my room so I could maintain it there in peace and quiet. After we killed the first wave of men who had come to the family's rooms, I found Mother. She had locked herself in the room when the shouting started." Elissa swallowed and looked at Nathaniel, her eyes huge in her too-pale face. "This is when we realized that we had been betrayed.

"We checked on my sister-in-law and nephew first. They were both dead; Oriana's skirts were... well, they were up over her face, and torn. There were gashes in her legs where the armor had..."

Nathaniel interrupted. "I understand." He was feeling sick.

Elissa closed her eyes and composed herself. "I knew Mother had seen it too. Thank the Maker that I had decided to keep the dog with us! We knew we were up against a foe who held no value for our lives, was not taking prisoners, and who vastly outnumbered us. Somehow we … somehow we made it through that castle. Everywhere we went, it was the same. The men slaughtered, down to the last servant, the women …" Elissa stopped, closing her eyes. "And many of the children. All were killed, and some were … tortured. The few of Rendon's men who lived long enough to say anything promised similar fates for Mother and me. Many of their men were wearing multiple armbands made out of torn cloth." Elissa shuddered in horror.

"We got the family sword and shield out of the treasury. Mother was very emphatic that Rendon not get his hands on them. Then we eventually killed our way to where the servant's entrance from the larder, hoping to make our escape there since it was a little-known exit. Father was there, bleeding out on the floor. I … I don't think he knew the extent of the horrors that were happening there. At least not at that point."

Nathaniel just sat there, dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say, what to think. He just nodded mutely and Elissa continued on.

"Father knew he wasn't leaving there alive, and miraculously Duncan showed up. He had been one of the men helping to defend the castle – he was covered in blood. Father made him promise to take me and Mother away from the castle, and Duncan agreed, so long as I was allowed to be recruited into the Wardens. But Mother...Mother stayed. She bought us time to escape, even knowing what her probable fate would be. Father and Mother convinced me to go so that I could bring justice to Rendon for his deeds." Elissa finished and waited for Nathaniel to process what she had told him.

"Why don't you hate me?" Nathaniel was just as surprised at asking the question as Elissa seemed to be to hear it. He was even more surprised to realize that he cared about the answer to the question. "I don't understand that. I defended him to your face!"

"You didn't know," Elissa began tiredly. "Or at least, I'd hoped you didn't know about that and think he was justified in his actions. And I believe I already mentioned that you are nothing at all like Rendon was, or you would never have undertaken the joining. He chose to abuse his position of trust. I don't see that happening with you."

When Nathaniel went to bed that night, his normal darkspawn-filled nightmares were replaced with ones of blood and torture. He awoke the next morning actually wishing for the darkspawn nightmares to return.


	4. Moving Forward

CHAPTER 4

It took some time, but after a few weeks the Wardens grew used to each other and learned how to work together, both in and out of battle. And once they learned how to work together, Nathaniel realized they worked really well together.

Oghren was very skilled in battle. When he was faced with an enemy, his short legs would carry him with incredible speed to the thick of things while the others picked off stragglers and got rid of the worst of the crowd. He showed absolutely no fear on the battlefield and would draw the most powerful enemies away from the others, taunting and bellowing at them to make them pay attention to him alone. This kept Anders busy with keeping him from dying, but allowed Nathaniel and Elissa to pick off opponents from a distance without fear of interruption. In personal matters, Oghren was just as fearless. He spoke his mind often and with no qualms about how he might sound, which was jarring at first. After a short while, though, Nathaniel found that he appreciated knowing exactly what Oghren thought of him and the others.

Anders was an amazing healer and somehow always managed to neutralize other mages before they could do any damage to the group. He was a good man, as well; even though he had been labeled an apostate wanted by the Templars, he consistently showed that he wanted to help and make a difference. He wanted to do what was right rather than what was convenient. Nathaniel respected that. He also always managed to lighten the mood when any of the others started to show signs of stress. He was usually good at coming up with sarcastic or amusing comments, especially when being asked a question that he thought was too serious. While it would drive Nathaniel crazy sometimes to never get a straight answer to a serious question, Nathaniel learned to use it to his advantage and even inject subtler forms of humor to help things along.

Elissa, of course, led everyone. She would welcome input from each of the other Wardens and take their opinions under consideration when deciding what to do, and she would keep the tasks that the Wardens were trying to complete organized. This was usually no small feat, considering that everyone in the arling seemed to want her to personally fix all of their problems. Despite this, or maybe because of it, over time Nathaniel noticed that the sadness in Elissa's eyes became less and less.

_Having a purpose does help, doesn't it?_

She also had a knack for finding trinkets and items for each of the other Wardens, finding gifts that each of them would love. She brought Anders a kitten, which seemed odd to Nathaniel until he saw the reaction that Anders had when she presented it to him. That cat was like Anders' best friend and he never left sight of it. Oghren was a bit easier. If they found any unusual alcohol or ale, it went straight to Oghren. Some of those drinks had to be straight-out poisons based on the smell alone, but Oghren drank them down like they were water. It was truly amazing. And whenever she stumbled across something that had been owned by the Howe family, it went to Nathaniel. While his favorite was the family heirloom bow, her acknowledgment and acceptance of his family's name helped him realize that she didn't hold the family in contempt at all, and instead truly only blamed Rendon alone for his misdeeds during the blight.

It didn't take long before Nathaniel realized that he actually enjoyed being a Grey Warden. He didn't mind the walking so much, once he got used to it, and as they were presented with problems, he found that he liked the final decisions that were made on how to handle those problems. Elissa was not only a good leader, she really worked to find solutions that would help the most people. Being treated as an equal was also very important to him; Oghren really wanted Elissa to take charge, and Nathaniel had the feeling that Anders didn't want to be in charge either. He spoke frequently about how the thought the group should handle problems, and because Elissa respected his voice he deferred to her judgment when decisions were made. Nathaniel, however, had been taught from a young age how to eventually take command, and Elissa recognized that in him, treating him as an equal and trusting his judgment on a number of occasions. This was not only a pleasant surprise, but caused Nathaniel to regard her more and more as someone he could call a friend.

If he had to pinpoint a time when Nathaniel realized he had come to think of Elissa and the other Wardens as bona fide friends, it had to be when they were trying to deal with issues in the Wending Woods. As usual, there were seemingly endless tasks that they had undertaken that all needed dealing with at once – the Merchant's Guild of Amaranthine had lost some trade goods that needed recovery, some scholar had wanted tracings taken of the statues there, even a mage friend of Elissa's had asked her to summon another mage for some meeting – as well as larger issues like stopping the attacks on merchant caravans that were crippling trade for the entire region. Upon killing the mage who had caused all the attacks on the caravans ("It's a shame that her bitterness and rage could not be set aside; she might have otherwise made an excellent Warden," Elissa had commented at the time), they decided to explore the abandoned silverite mine that was in the center of the wood to see if they could find materials for Master Wade back at the keep.

It turns out that they walked directly into a trap. After being caught by the strangest talking darkspawn Nathaniel had ever seen, he awoke later to find himself in a cell with the other two men. Elissa and their equipment were completely gone.

Oghren and Anders were already awake. Oghren was pacing and muttering to himself, something about "sodding" and "junk," and Anders was sitting quietly in the corner.

_I feel so weak, tired … what did they knock us out with?_

"You'll want to take some time getting up. We all have some blood loss. Seems like the darkspawn that captured us wanted to drain us of a bit of our blood for some reason," Anders said quietly.

"That answers that question." Nathaniel replied. "Where's Elissa?"

Anders just shrugged his shoulders and Oghren stopped, shouting, "Sodding blighters!"

"If that darkspawn is doing the same to her as she did to us, then he's taking her blood too. I don't think any of us have been here that long," Anders replied tiredly. "We might as well save our energy for later, in case we're tortured or we get a miraculous chance to escape."

Nathaniel inspected the lock on the cell. _Damn, I won't be able to pick the lock._ He felt the braid on the back of his head, just in case he would need his lockpicks later. _Still there, good. Just in case._ He was feeling a bit woozy and decided to sit down himself to rest a bit.

It took quite a while, but eventually a large group of darkspawn arrived carrying Elissa's unconscious form. After knocking Anders out with a spell from their emissary (_These darkspawn are far too organized), _they opened the door and put her down, then quickly left, locking the door again behind them.

Once Anders woke up and saw that Elissa was in the cell with them, he went to check on her. "That emissary knocked out my spellcasting reserves, so I can't do much yet," he growled, "but she looks like she lost more blood than the rest of us. It's going to take her a while to wake up, and even then she'll be very weak."

Nathaniel was surprised to find that he was genuinely worried about her. By the looks on Anders' and Oghren's faces, he could tell they were none too happy about this development either.

It was time to take charge for now, since Elissa could not. "So we wait for her to wake up, or for the darkspawn to do something else and give us an opportunity to escape." Nathaniel started. "If we get the chance to escape, I will carry her on my back if necessary since you can still use magic and Oghren can use his bare hands the best of us if we have to resort to that." Nathaniel looked around the dungeon again, to make sure he didn't see their gear stowed away. Seeing nothing there that looked like it could hold armor and weapons, "It looks like we'll have to do this the hard way."

The group was left alone for a surprisingly long amount of time. Only once did the darkspawn come by, and that was just to give the Wardens some bread and water. Unfortunately, Elissa stayed unconscious for the entire time as well.

"I hate waiting!" Finally Oghren had had enough. "I gotta do something!" He actually got down on one knee and looked like he was praying. "Maybe the Ancestors will hear me if I try to talk to them like you Chantry sissies do."

_He's really worried about her. Of course, she is like a big sister to him..._

It was right about then that a movement out of the corner of his eye caught Nathaniel's attention, and then he heard a low moan. Elissa had opened her eyes and was trying to get up. Nathaniel and Anders went to help her up, and she managed to stand somewhat on her own, gasping a bit as she did so.

"So tired … what happened?"

Anders spoke quietly and a little urgently. "You've lost a lot of blood, Commander. Be careful – you're going to feel dizzy for a while."

She nodded and stumbled over to the door of the cell. "Nathaniel, the lock?"

"Unpickable. They planned ahead it seems. Or got really lucky."

She nodded tiredly. "Why are we wearing … clothes? Any sign of our armor and weapons?"

Oghren chose this moment to stand up and curse something about nugs and deviant sexual acts. "None of our junk is here, Commander. When I get my hands on those slimy cretins..." and he started to mutter some more about what he would do to whoever had his things.

"All right. Any plans to get out of here?"

Nathaniel started to say something but they were cut off by the appearance of a strange-looking elf. She had Dalish markings like the mage that the group had encountered in the wood, but she was … not-quite-a-ghoul. She still seemed to be coherent, but she looked like the darkspawn corruption had eaten away her mind.

"Quickly, there's no time!" the elf said and handed something to Elissa. She explained that she didn't want to see anyone hurt and that if they moved quickly, they could get out and try to get their things back as they went. Then she startled at some noise that only she could hear and ran off.

"Well, that was certainly convenient," Nathaniel muttered. "I don't trust it."

Elissa nodded. "I don't either, but I'd rather go down facing a trap then wait here for it to come to us."

After they made arrangements – Nathaniel would make sure Elissa could keep up, although she insisted on walking. Anders would use what spellpower he could to take out ranged enemies, and Oghren would put his fists into faces where warranted – they unlocked the cell and tried to get their bearings.

Fortunately for them, the first group of darkspawn they encountered were neither intelligent nor skilled, so a few well-placed punches and one good spell by Anders to take out their emissary netted them some few basic weapons. It felt good to not be naked against their foe entirely, even if the items they now carried were substandard.

They moved onward. They found a laboratory of sorts, full of notes for experiments and a testing area. The notes that they found didn't seem to make much sense, but Elissa and Nathaniel read them carefully all the same in the hopes that they would make sense later. Then they continued onward.

It was at one of the tunnels in the mines that they found their first pieces of gear. Oghren's, to be exact. On one of those ghoulish beings. Oghren went off on a tirade about doodads and junk and they brought down the ghoul, or whatever it was, that was wearing Oghren's things. So they formed a system. Anders would form a lookout, and Nathaniel and Elissa would help remove the armor from the ghoul and help Oghren get dressed, as full plate was impossible to get on alone in any sort of timely fashion. Nathaniel was the obvious choice because he had squired for so long, and Elissa could stay protected by both Nathaniel and Oghren as she was still quite dizzy.

Still, it was quite a surprise to see how _quickly_ Elissa could buckle Oghren into his armor. Nathaniel was intrigued. "How is it that you know how to do this so well?" he found himself asking.

Elisssa blushed. "Well, uh...Alistair had taken to wearing heavier plate and full armor as the blight started to really manifest..." but she grinned as she said it, with even her eyes showing amusement.

Oghren guffawed as he heard this, "Ha ha ha! Commander getting some action!" and he would have continued but Elissa was standing behind him and interrupted.

"By the Maker, Oghren, Felsi was right!"

"Whaaaat?" 

"You DO have a hairy arse!" Nathaniel's head popped up and even Anders turned around to stare, jaws dropped, as she snickered. "And your back, and your neck..."

"Heh heh, sign of a true warrior. Yer only a real man if you can grow lots of hair..." Oghren puffed up with pride. "Keeps the ladies warm at night..."

Nathaniel risked a peek. And then shuddered. "Then you must be the most skilled warrior in all of Orzammar."

It didn't take long to get Oghren re-equipped, so they moved forward. They found Nathaniel's things next, so they followed the same system. Nathaniel got the heavy pieces off of the ghoul's corpse once they had killed it, Oghren got the smaller items off and retrieved Nathaniel's bow and quiver, and this time Elissa helped Nathaniel get dressed, since they wore similar leather armors.

This was the first time that Nathaniel had been within arm's reach of a woman while not in battle in quite some time – maybe a year or two? _It's only distracting because you've gone so long without companionship, Nathaniel. Get over it. This is NOT the time to lose focus!_

Nathaniel must have taken a moment longer than necessary to come back to himself, because when he found himself paying attention again, he saw huge green eyes looking up at him in concern. "Is it out of adjustment? I tried to fit the belts snugly without restricting your movement..."

Nathaniel gave himself one last mental shake and answered. "No, I'm fine." He tested his range of movement. "It's perfect, actually. I just … was trying to plan." _Well, THAT sounds idiotic._ But Elissa didn't notice, as she started swaying. Nathaniel caught her just as she was starting to fall. "All right, I'm carrying you for a little while." Nathaniel put his bow and quiver on Elissa and hoisted her up on his back. "Let's go."

Finally, they found Anders' and Elissa's things on two last ghouls. While Anders whined something about "having to dress himself instead of getting a pretty lady to help" with meaningful looks in Elissa's direction, Oghren started to harass him about wearing a dress while Nathaniel got Elissa's things off the corpse of the ghoul that had appropriated them.

"Rings first, please," she said tiredly. Nathaniel obliged, handing her the mentioned rings and her amulet, which she put on immediately. She suddenly looked a lot better. "You've got to love enchantments. Best money I ever spent."

Nathaniel turned to get Elissa's armor off the ghoul. While he was doing so, he asked, "Do you want me to stand in front of you as a privacy screen?"

"No, I've been naked in more embarrassing circumstances. This isn't so bad. I'm still a little tired, so maybe some help with buckling up the back of my armor?" Elissa replied.

"All right, here it ..." Nathaniel turned around to see a nearly naked woman standing right behind him, her skirt landing on the ground, "uh, here it is then."

_Nathaniel, FOCUS!_

Oghren turned and glanced at Elissa, then muttered something about "too skinny" and went back to looking out for encroaching darkspawn. Anders had his robes over his head and was getting them on quickly. Nathaniel quickly helped her into her armor, buckling her shin guards so she wouldn't have to bend over and adjusting the side buckles on the body armor to fit more comfortably.

After Elissa had all of her gear on, she made some final adjustments of a more personal nature ("whoever decided women's armor should be so low-cut in front was NOT thinking of practicality") while Nathaniel retrieved her bow and quiver. "Let's go."

Getting the rest of the way out of the mines was fairly routine. Well, if you count having two young dragons attack you at once "normal." But those moments, when the group was able to work together and even laugh a little while under less than ideal conditions, really cemented in Nathaniel's mind that the group was a unit.

_I can trust these people. This is my home and my family now. _The thought made him smile.


	5. The End and a New Beginning

CHAPTER 5

It was over.

At least, Nathaniel hoped it was over. He looked over at his companions, trudging wearily away from the Dragonbone Wastes. All of them were covered in blood. Most of it was from the darkspawn, but there was plenty of their own blood on them too.

_I hope we don't come across too many stragglers. Everybody looks tired, and I don't think Anders has the reserves to keep us all alive right now. Especially after Elissa was nearly crushed that last time. I hope the Architect keeps his word and gets the rest of the darkspawn away from here and fast._

The fight with the Mother was not as bad as Nathaniel had expected, but he had noticed that seeing and talking to her had been particularly unnerving for Elissa. Actually, she seemed to have been distressed when they had killed the other broodmothers in Kal'Hirol as well, although they had been lucky enough to not have to engage them directly. He caught up with her and asked her quietly, "What is it about broodmothers that bothers you so much?"

Elissa did not look up, instead preferring to concentrate on her own steps as she thought a moment before answering. "You know how most people who are infected with the darkspawn taint become ghouls?"

"Yes."

"Well, some of the women don't. If they are captured, and survive being tainted, they … change. Into those things. Depending on their race before they become broodmothers, they birth a different type of darkspawn. The Mother – did you notice that besides the children, we saw an awful lot of hurlocks?"

"I had noticed that, yes."

"Well, between that and her appearance, I think she had been human before she changed." Elissa barely suppressed a shudder. "That is not a fate I would wish on anyone. And I imagine that all female wardens, if they don't make it to the Deep Roads in time or become captured instead of dying there, can face the same fate. I had thought... " Elissa stopped a moment, then started again. "I had thought for a while, that when it was my time, that I would go with Alistair and he would make sure that I died instead of changing, but now … " she shrugged. "When my time comes, I am not entirely sure that I will go to the Deep Roads. I might have to take care of matters another way to ensure I don't end up contributing to the Warden problem."

"No." Nathaniel's voice was harsh. "We're not that far behind you for time left. When it's your time, I will do everything in my power to go with you and make sure that it doesn't happen. That's the very least I can do as your friend." Anders and Oghren nodded their assent. "You won't be alone."

Elissa looked up at Nathaniel, surprised. Then she smiled and placed her hand on his arm. "Thank you." She looked over at Oghren and then Anders. "Thank you all. It's good to be reminded that you have friends." She straightened up a little and her pace picked up a bit. "We need to get back to the keep. I know we prepared as best we could, but I'm really worried about the attack."


	6. Failure

CHAPTER 6

They walked the rest of that day until they couldn't walk any more and then set up camp. At daybreak, they quickly broke camp and started out, determined to reach Vigil's Keep as soon as possible.

They started to see the bodies before they could see the keep towers. "Maker," Anders breathed, "look at them all!"

There were darkspawn bodies all over the place. Dried blood was everywhere, and everywhere the darkspawn blood touched the land was dead and blighted. It was a horrific sight. As they came closer to the tower, they started to see human and elven bodies too. It was a massacre. The amazing thing, though, was that for each non-darkspawn body there were at least 10 darkspawn bodies, if not more.

Nathaniel spotted a familiar-looking armor set and knelt next to it. "Elissa," he called out, "Justice … he didn't make it." He looked around and gathered the severed head that had belonged to their newest friend and placed it next to the body. "I hope he ended up in a better place." He then looked around. "It looks like he got at least twenty or more before they got to him."

Elissa nodded, resignation in her voice. "We need to cremate Kristoff's body first. In a sense, Aura's been waiting the longest to collect her husband's ashes. I don't think anyone could have survived this." Oghren and Nathaniel picked up the body between them and they continued toward the keep.

They got to the gates and were surprised to see the walls still intact. Well, what they could see of the walls. There were thousands of darkspawn bodies, most of them piled up against the walls. Most of the roofs were gone, smoke and dying embers taking their place.

_They had to go over the walls because they couldn't break through them? That dwarf Voldrik does good work._

The portcullis was raised and the entire group was shocked to see movement inside. "There are survivors!" Elissa showed the first signs of hope since they started to see the death surrounding the keep. "They need help!" She ran forward, with Anders hot on her heels. Oghren and Nathaniel had to walk, but placed Kristoff's body inside the gates in a relatively safe spot and followed as soon as they could.

There were survivors, but only very few. Garevel was directing them and doing his best to maintain order. He looked up and saw Elissa rushing toward him, "Commander! You survived!"

Elissa waved off Garevel's incedulity. "Captain, it's more impressive that anyone is left here. Considering the number of darkspawn bodies that attacked the keep, you were overwhelmed at least tenfold."

"The keep's walls kept a large number of us protected. Even though we were still desperately low on soldiers, many of the servants took up arms and helped where they could. The men fought their hearts out, but nearly everyone is gone. There are just a handful of people left."

Elissa closed her eyes. "I understand." She looked very tired. "Varel?" Garevel's nod affirmed that Varel had died in the attack. "All right. You've started to identify the bodies?"

Garevel nodded again. "We are doing what we can to return the ashes of the dead to their families." He indicated a smoke column outside the walls of the keep. "We can't afford to wait for the families to pick up the bodies of our dead. The smell and disease would overtake the rest of us otherwise."

Elissa nodded. "I agree. The other Wardens and I will pull the soldiers' bodies from the piles of darkspawn and start to deal with those, to avoid contaminating the survivors." Elissa's became more determined then, and started to issue orders. "Anders, look for injured survivors. Do what you can for them. Join us after you've finished. Oghren and Nathaniel, you're with me. We have a lot of bodies to clear before they blight the entire region.

It took several days to pile the darkspawn bodies and burn them, since there were only four people in the entire keep who could safely clear the bodies without fear of becoming ghouls. The Wardens worked from dawn until dusk, only stopping to grab quick meals. It was grim work, and all of them were exhausted. They were usually so tired at night that they barely made it inside the walls of the keep before they collapsed in their tents, passing out as soon as they climbed inside.

Although the outer walls of the keep had held, the living quarters were uninhabitable and the courtyard housing was completely destroyed. The darkspawn had obviously set everything alight with fire arrows when they couldn't break down the walls. Everything flammable in the entire keep was completely gone.

Finally, the bodies had been identified and cremated after what seemed like a lifetime. Out of a few hundred people employed at the keep, less than ten percent survived. Elissa sent the survivors who had families outside the keep to their homes and started to write letters to include with the ashes of the fallen. Nathaniel and Anders helped, writing letters so that Elissa could sign them, and Oghren helped the remaining soldiers and servants start to pick up debris and move it out of the keep.

It was during this time that Nathaniel noticed how much more exhausted Elissa looked than everyone else at the keep. _Is she ill?_ He started to watch her more closely. He noticed that Anders also would look at her from time to time with a look of concern. _When was her last meal? Is she sleeping at all?_

"Talk to me." Elissa looked up with a start as Nathaniel spoke. "Tell me what is keeping you from eating and sleeping."

She looked hesitant, but spoke after a moment. "I've had to reconstruct our finances since Mistress Woolsey died and our books got burnt in the attack."

"I could have helped!"

"I know, but I didn't want to worry you. We all have enough on our minds." Elissa sighed, then squared her shoulders. "Nathaniel, we don't have the money to rebuild the keep. I think we're going to have to abandon it. There is some money in the treasury, and I plan to put my personal funds into what we have. But the records of who owed money to the arling also were destroyed, and it's going to be impossible to collect those monies. I think we need to distribute what we do have to Amaranthine's guard and the merchant quarter, as well as the farmholders, to try to overcome the existing damage to the rest of the arling. I'm sorry. I think we're going to have to depend on the city guard to try to patrol the area and the bandits will move in soon, if they haven't already."

Nathaniel sat, stunned. "It's that bad?"

Elissa nodded. "There just isn't enough to go around. I've been trying to think of another way to try to maintain order, but … we had started to build up reserves in the treasury before this, but with nobody left to recruit and nowhere for them to live, the granary destroyed … we don't have enough money to hire mercenaries until we can find recruits. We need to save what we can, rebuild the city, and try to reinforce that. Cut our losses as best we can. And trade is going to be really important, if bandits and pirates don't halt it entirely. I've written my brother and the King to see if they can help, but with the entire country still trying to rebuild from the blight and trouble left over from the civil war..."

Nathaniel breathed, "You don't think there will be anyone to help us."

Elissa nodded, and put her head in her hands. "I couldn't just leave Amaranthine, burn it to the ground! But now the entire arling is in danger. It might never recover. I … I failed, Nathaniel."


	7. Building Anew

CHAPTER 7

It took another couple of weeks for the Wardens to gather the remaining items that had not been destroyed and to help the last survivors without families find places to stay until permanent housing could be found. They recovered what armor and weapons they could and stowed them in the basement of the keep, planning to use some of Dworkin's remaining explosives to seal the entrance until a time that they could come back and recover them. With a single cart filled with the things that could simply not be left behind, and with notes sent to Denerim, Highever and Weisshaupt explaining that the Wardens would operate out of the city of Amaranthine for the time being, it was finally time to say goodbye to Vigil's Keep.

"Wade, Herren – thank you for staying. I know this was hard for you and I appreciate that you helped us to store the wonderful armor and weapons you made for the men," Elissa told the smith and his partner as they finished packing their things to leave for Denerim. "Alec, Garevel, try to keep them – and yourselves – safe and come back to us at the Crown and Lion as soon as you can?"

"It's the least I could do, Commander. You allowed me to make my masterpiece, the weapon that validates my very existence! You take care of it and do me proud!" Wade started gushing on about Vigilance as Oghren grinned and patted the pommel of the two-handed blade currently strapped to his back.

Herren just shrugged and Alec and Garevel saluted one last time. Garevel said, "Give me a moment. I just want to look around the grounds one last time to make sure I didn't miss anything."

Elissa nodded and looked at Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren. "Does anyone else want to take a last look around, make sure they have everything? Now's the time."

Nathaniel nodded. "I would like to. I won't be long." She nodded in understanding, and Nathaniel went to take one last walk around the grounds of his childhood home.

_Even when it's devastated, it's still an impressive place. One day I will return and start to rebuild it. I will miss being here. There's a lot of history here and it should be remembered._

Nathaniel walked around the courtyard slowly, taking everything in one last time. He then went into the main gate and the inner courtyard, picturing in his mind the keep's beauty during the time that he lived in it as a child. Playing with his brother and sister, the stories his father would tell them about all the places he had seen, and all the people he had known and who had been extended family but who were gone – Adria, Samuel, and everyone else.

Then he remembered more recent times, and he was surprised at the number of fond memories that he had collected since his return from the Free Marches. He remembered watching Anders and Oghren drink together and tell bawdy stories, quiet conversations with Elissa about family histories and life in general, and how much _fun_ he had been having as a Warden.

_At least we'll be able to make new memories, good ones. The keep is an important place to me, but my new family is much, much more important. _

He turned to leave after saying one last goodbye in his mind, and went to rejoin the others at the main gates.

The plan had been for everyone to walk to the main road and say final goodbyes there, the group going to Denerim separating from the Wardens at that point, so once Nathaniel and Garevel were back, everyone started off. But they didn't get far.

Elissa saw them first. "Is there someone coming up the road?"

Nathaniel pulled out his bow and Anders and Oghren got out their weapons as well. Garevel and Alec immediately stepped in front of Wade and Herren, pushing them unceremoniously behind the cart and placing them as far out of harm's way as they could.

"Wait, I don't think it's hostile," Elissa said. "They're in formation and...is it? Can it be?" Elissa became visibly excited and started running. "FERGUS!"

"She sure can run fast when she's got a mind to," Anders noted amusedly. "Fergus is her brother, yes? So we probably don't have to worry?"

As everyone was putting their weapons away, they watched one of the front soldiers of the group detach from the rest and run toward Elissa much as she was running headlong toward him. They met and the man picked up Elissa in a bear hug and swung her around, laughing and shouting. "Little Sister!"

Nathaniel was nervous. He was very glad that Elissa was thrilled to see her brother after what must have been a long time, but he also didn't know how to act around the Teyrn. After all, he was still Rendon Howe's son, and he was sure that most people would still see him as 'the traitor's son' before they would even think of him as his own person. For this man, whose family had been viciously tortured and murdered by Nathaniel's own father, would acceptance even be an option?

The Wardens and the Teyrn's men met where Fergus and Elissa were talking excitedly to each other. Elissa was beaming for the first time since Nathaniel had met her. _She should smile more. It definitely suits her._ "I never expected this! How did you manage to get away from Highever? What are you doing here in the middle of nowhere? Are you on your way to Denerim?"

Teyrn Cousland laughed. "One question at a time, little sister. I got your note." He sobered up a bit at that. "And then the news came about how you and a small group of your men managed to single-handedly save most of Amaranthine, with everyone amazed at your sacrifice of the Keep to save thousands of civilians. Everyone who hears the story of both the city's incredible rescue and the defense of the Keep when it was overrun by thousands of darkspawn is, frankly, amazed." He smiled gently at his sister. "Mother and Father would be proud of you, and you might as well officially change your name to 'The Hero of Ferelden' because you've just set that particular title in stone between that and the blight."

Elissa looked shocked. "What? But the arling is a mess! It's only going to get worse, and a lot more so." She looked down at the ground. "I really messed up on this one, Fergus. These people are going to be hurting for a long time."

Fergus then smiled again. "I do believe you are wrong, Elissa. You see, I'm not the only one who is making his way here. And we bring gifts. After all, heroes should be rewarded sometimes, don't you think?"

Elissa looked up slowly. "What do you mean?" she barely whispered.

Fergus looked at her. "I would have sent a note but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to see my favorite sister," his eyes twinkled at this, "and I found during the rebuilding of Cousland castle that our treasury was actually in decent shape, and that our people were so glad to have a Cousland back in the castle that they practically threw recruits at me. So I, my dear sister, have come up with help that you can really use."

Elissa's eyes shone. "Really?"

"Really really. These men behind me? They have brought enough provisions and camping gear for a week. At the end of that week, more will come to take their place, and so on.. They will serve to help monitor the North Road and Pilgrim's Path between the keep and Amaranthine. In addition, I have a donation for your coffers, as I'm sure you could use the funds to help rebuild."

Elissa blinked. And blinked again. Then she threw her arms around her brother. "Thank you! Oh, by the Maker, thank you!"

Fergus laughed. "It is my pleasure, Elissa. You deserve it after everything you've done for both our family's name and for our country. I only wish I could spare more." He then looked up and saw their audience. "These must be your men. I recognize Oghren; who are the others?"

Nathaniel kept his face impassive, but he felt like he might vomit at any time. _This is it. Better now than later, if things get ugly._

Elissa introduced each of their group in turn, saying something about each of them. "Oghren has become a Grey Warden, and has been invaluable to us." Oghren grinned and, in usual form, said something completely inappropriate. "Anders here is a mage and a consummate healer, also a Grey Warden. Garevel was Captain of our guard and a formidable force on the battlefield himself. Alec has only recently joined us but has shown tremendous heart and bravery, and is learning fighting skills very quickly. Wade there is an amazing weapons- and armorsmith, quite frankly the best I've seen this side of Orzammar, and Herren is his business partner." Fergus whistled at that one. "And last, but certainly not least, this is my second in command. Big brother, meet Nathaniel Howe."

Fergus' eyes widened and several of his men whispered among themselves or stared. Nathaniel grew distinctly uncomfortable. _Here it comes..._

Nathaniel bowed deeply to the Teyrn. "Your Grace, a pleasure to meet you." He willed himself to remain calm as he rose to meet the Teyrn's gaze. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elissa standing proud, as if nothing was amiss. _Wait, second in command?_

Fergus appraised Nathaniel for a moment, then turned to all the Wardens. "It is an honor to meet you all." He then looked directly at Nathaniel with an expression that said _we will talk later_ and then looked back at his sister. "Elissa, you always travel with the most fascinating people. Where is the elf with the sharp looking daggers and the willingness to bed anyone who will let him?"

Elissa laughed and a little of Nathaniel's tension eased. "Ah, Zev needed to go traveling for a while to clear up some unfinished business. I hope to see him again soon, if he can get back." She then put her arm around her brother's waist and, turning around, started walking him back to the keep to see what they could arrange for Fergus' men.


	8. Hope for the Future

CHAPTER 8

Two days after the Teyrn's arrival, Nathaniel noticed that Fergus and Elissa had been talking intently away from the rest of the men. Afterward, Fergus came by as Nathaniel set up the campfire for that evening.

"Your Grace," Nathaniel said to Fergus as he put logs on the fire. "What can I do for you?"

Fergus gave him a look that was eerily similar to the one Elissa wore when she was analyzing a person or situation. "I was just speaking to my sister," he hesitated, "about you, actually. I wanted to talk to you directly."

Nathaniel nodded. "I am only surprised that you waited this long, honestly. I am sure you have … questions."

Fergus inclined his head once, "Just so. I wanted to watch you before speaking to her, come up with conclusions on my own about you."

Nathaniel had been uncomfortably aware of the scrutiny that he had undergone from both Fergus and his men, so he shrugged. "Comes with the territory, right?" He uttered a short, harsh laugh. "So what have you decided about me?"

"To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure," Fergus admitted. "I admit that when Elissa introduced you to me I was shocked. I'm sure you understand why. I honestly expected you to stay far, far away from Ferelden instead of coming back."

"So I heard. I'm surprised you remembered me. Your sister did not."

Fergus replied, "Ah, yes. You came to Cousland Castle what? Once, twice? And it was a long time ago, before you went abroad. You looked much different as a child, except for the eyes I think. Anyway, I think I should let you know that I greatly trust my sister's judgment of other people. She's always been good at that. Out of all of us, she was the only one who never really liked your father. We always thought it was because he kept trying to push arranged marriage between our families," at this Nathaniel shook his head and groaned, "but now I see that she knew something was … not right, there. She never reacted so negatively with other nobles trying to set her up with their sons – she would usually just politely refuse their offers and continue on her way.

"But you, she really likes you. She sees something in you that she never did in your father, something good and noble. And since I have never known her to be a poor judge of character, I am forced to think that there is something to that. Certainly your actions and the way you carry yourself suggest that what she says is true. I think that my biggest problem is that I never suspected your father to be capable of what he did, never picked up on signs that he could do so much wrong. I thought that while he would be abrasive at times, and not particularly good with people, that he had some redeeming values. Certainly our father thought so, but maybe he was blinded by decades of friendship. So I worry that my own judgment is suspect."

Nathaniel thought on this a moment. "I can certainly understand your viewpoint, Teyrn Cousland. When I came back from the Free Marches I thought that the rumors I heard were overstated accusations, an inflation of his role in the losing side of the war. But since I have been here, I've learned that he was to blame and that he ruined a lot of peoples' lives in order to try to gain political influence." Nathaniel took a deep breath. "I am deeply sorry that your family was one of the ones that suffered at his hands. The Couslands have always been fair and just, and to see them nearly destroyed over what amounted to petty jealousy," Nathaniel sighed. "It was a tragedy on a number of levels."

Fergus studied Nathaniel's face very carefully. "You know, my sister wasn't the only Cousland who decided that you were all right. Father liked you too, said you would surpass Rendon once you came into your own. Did you know that he offered to squire you so that your father would not have to send you so far away?"

Nathaniel was surprised. "No, I had never known that. I enjoyed my time in the Free Marches, but I never knew that there was an option to do so closer to home." He thought a moment. "But you know, Father would never have taken that offer. He frequently said how you and especially your sister had been given too much latitude." He raised an eyebrow. "Father was very strict."

Fergus laughed. "He would say similar things to my father about both of us." He then stood up. "I think I could get to like you, Howe. If you have any trouble with the men, you let me know, all right?" He extended his hand.

Nathaniel stood and completed the handshake. "Thank you. I appreciate being given the chance to prove to you that I am not the same as my father."


	9. Relief

CHAPTER 9

By the end of Fergus' first week visiting Vigil's Keep, his notice about more donations coming had already held true in greater amounts than anyone could have expected. Money kept coming in from all over Ferelden, and bringing those monies were soldiers and workers who were loaned from other banns and arlings, all of whom were sent with the mission to help rebuild the city of Amaranthine and the keep itself. By the end of Fergus' third week there, even Voldrik and Dworkin Glavonik had returned with a group of dwarves of various castes and some casteless, sent by King Bhelen himself as 'a gesture of goodwill between our nation and your order.' In short, the number of names and faces familiar to Elissa Cousland, combined with financial and physical aid, proved to give the arling enough funds and manpower to be able to pay for all rebuilding without having to bankrupt Amaranthine. It looked like the city would recover completely by the following summer, and Vigil's keep would be restored within, at most, a few years.

There was also good news from within the arling. Lord Eddelbreck reported to Elissa that while many farms were lost in the darkspawn attacks, the Vigil's soldiers defending the farms meant the crops that were left would be able to get the arling through the winter if carefully rationed. Elissa had time, and now the money, to negotiate purchasing food for spring until the following years' farmers could get started. In addition, Eddelbreck had already been able to encourage more farmers to come in and replace those lost during the darkspawn raids and battles, offering incentives to come and get settled before spring planting.

Even recruits and workers were not as hard to find as Elissa had feared. There were many people who jumped at the chance to serve 'the Hero of Ferelden', many of whom made their way to the arling on their own once news of the devastation of the Keep and the rescue of the city spread. There got to be enough soldiers and workers who wanted to stay on that Elissa decided that the first part of the Keep to be rebuilt should be the barracks and the outer houses, giving these people a place to stay. With winter coming in a short few months, it seemed to be the wisest priority.

As the days progressed, Elissa's mood continued to improve. She kept incredibly busy trying to manage everything, but with Nathaniel and Fergus helping her, as well as Garevel and the other Wardens, they started to form a system for managing arling business and training the new people they had coming to them to serve the Wardens.

For Nathaniel, this time was mixed. He helped where he could, and watched Elissa rise from her depression with the wonder of watching a rosebush bloom its first flowers of the season. Her smile and sparkling eyes were captivating, and she was showing both more and more as the days went on. Personally, things were harder for him because of the legacy his father had left the family – usually, he would meet new arrivals to the keep and face distrust and suspicion. Sometimes people would be open-minded, but more often than not he found himself subject to uncomfortable stares and whispers. Having Elissa openly support him, announcing him as her second-in-command, and maintaining their friendship publicly helped avoid the worst of potential trouble. Fergus also helped ease tensions by inviting him personally on patrols and by asking him to train the archers. This helped him earn a grudging respect amongst some, but Nathaniel knew it would take a while before he would feel welcome in his own home, if it ever happened.

Then, one day, the most amazing thing happened. A small detachment of soldiers arrived bearing royal heraldry, led by a woman who moved with grace and power beyond what Nathaniel had seen in recent times. Because of the potential importance of the new arrivals, Elissa quickly called Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren to the front gates so they could greet them personally. Fergus Cousland also joined them at the front gates.

The detachment approached the outer gate, where the Wardens and Fergus were waiting. Elissa's eyes grew wide with recognition. "Ser Cauthrien, this is a very pleasant surprise! What news do you bring from Denerim?"

The woman leading the detachment bowed to Elissa. "Warden Commander, I come with a message from King Alistair." She handed over a sealed scroll. "And, if I might be so bold … I would like to ask permission to join the Grey Wardens."

Elissa's eyes widened and Oghren whistled. "You would be welcome here, to be sure," Elissa began, "your fighting prowess is legendary and any unit would be extraordinarily lucky to have you. You do know that there are risks and that joining the Wardens changes your life forever, right?" Ser Cauthrien nodded. "Well, then, I guess it's about time that I start recruiting again. Are the soldiers with you supposed to go back to Denerim?"

Cauthrien nodded. "I believe all will be made clear once you read the note, Warden Commander. King Alistair instructed me to tell you that these men would wait for your response and would leave after you had decided about the note. He said it was private information, though, so I do not know its contents."

Elissa nodded. "Very well then." She quickly broke the seal on the note and read it. Nathaniel watched her carefully, and noted that her eyebrows raised very high once before schooling her features to hide any emotion. "I will come with some of my people. If you could send the bulk of your detachment back with a message I would appreciate this, to give the King advance notice. We will need to prepare to travel so it will take us a day or two to get on the road. I'll write up a proper response and send it after lunch; I'm sure your men would like a rest and some food before starting off again, so all of you are welcome to come in and get off your feet for a while. Will you be part of the group traveling with me, Cauthrien? I like to get to know my recruits better before they undertake the joining, when circumstances permit."

Nathaniel looked at Anders, who was grinning at him openly. _If you base it on her past recruits, that should take about ten minutes, right? _Nathaniel raised an amused eyebrow at Anders to respond to the unspoken statement. He then counted back the time. _It has been five months now since I became a Warden, and I'm the newest member. Maker, has it really been that long? We do need to start recruiting again._

Cauthrien nodded. "Thank you, Warden Commander. That will be fine." She bowed again, turned and instructed the men to enter the keep and rest as per Elissa's invitation. She then took a seat herself at one of the dormant campfires and took her pack off.

Elissa turned to the Wardens and said, "We need to have a meeting. Warden tents, fifteen minutes from now. Thank you. I need to let Garevel know he is going to have to leave us uninterrupted. This is important enough that it cannot wait." She then strode off toward the temporary command station that had been set up near the main hall gates.

Nathaniel was the first to arrive at the Warden tents, set up apart from the rest of the groups there in case of the need to discuss Warden-only business. Elissa arrived just after him. "Good. I'm glad you're here first, Nathaniel. I wanted you to read this." She handed him the missive.

_Elissa,_

_I need to talk to you. It's about some old business that has been left unfinished. As an important figure during the civil war and the blight, your insight would be really helpful for this matter. And, I had this crazy idea that I wanted to run by you so you could tell me I was daft. I'd say more, but I would rather discuss this in person with you. Please send word back if you can come. I know the timing is bad on this, sorry. But then again, when has the timing ever been good when it was something important? _

_Thanks,_

_Alistair._

Nathaniel handed the note back to Elissa. "He certainly doesn't seem to care for formality. Do you have any idea what it's about?"

Elissa thought for a moment, then shook her head. "I don't know, but he wouldn't ask me to come and talk to him unless it was important, what with everything that's been going on. And I can't think of anything that would qualify as unfinished business between us." Nathaniel wondered why that last statement was reassuring to hear. "Well, here are the others, so we can start. Oghren, Anders, please have a seat."

The other two Wardens sat down so the four formed a small circle. "All right," Oghren said. "When do you want for us to leave, Commander?"

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk about. I want you to be in charge while I'm gone, Oghren. And Anders, I need you to stay here in case the men get hurt on their patrols. You're the only mage here and if something goes wrong, I want these people to be protected as well as they can. Nathaniel, I want you to go with me, along with Alec and Cauthrien." She paused to let the information sink in.

"But what if YOU get hurt?"

"You want me to be WHAT?"

Anders and Oghren started talking at the same time. Elissa held up a hand to stop them from talking over each other. "Anders, thank you. I know you worry about our safety. But I'll make sure we take plenty of healing poultices with us. Many of these recruits are too untried so if something happens, they're far more likely to get hurt than we will.

"Oghren, I know you've led men into battle before, and you were good at it. Hopefully there won't be any problems while I'm gone. But if any problems break out, I would feel much better if you were the one calling the shots here. I have faith in you." She smiled at Oghren, who quieted down and actually looked thoughtful.

She addressed all three of them together, now. "If this goes the way I think it will, it will involve a lot of standing around and waiting for meetings to begin, followed by what the nobles like to call 'diplomacy,' and then there would be lots of chances to parade around and pretend that we care what other people think. You know, _politics._" Elissa actually wrinkled her nose in distaste. "In these matters, the only one of us who has had as much training as I have in dealing with nobles is Nathaniel, and so I need him to come with me. Cauthrien is respected amongst the nobles, and I do want to get to know her before we put her through the joining. Plus, she and Alec can give us perspective of how non-nobles would think about whatever it is we need to discuss. Oh, and one last thing: Anders, King Alistair was trained as a templar. So besides having to worry about diplomacy, I'd imagine he would make you a bit uncomfortable."

Anders shuddered. "Sounds like a plan to me then. I do worry about your safety though, Commander. That whole planned revolt thing a while back makes me nervous."

Elissa nodded. "Yes, but I think we'll be fine. I plan to keep as low a profile as I possibly can while we travel. I promise we will be careful." She smiled at Anders. "Oghren, you can do this. If I didn't know you could I would never ask this of you."

Oghren nodded at her. "All right. But I'm not doing any paperwork. That stuff gives me a headache!"

Elissa smiled. "Not to worry. I've been able to stay caught up for the most part and Fergus has agreed to stay on until we return in case something comes up. I don't want to burden him, but you can certainly ask him for help if you need it." She stood up. "If there are no other questions?" She looked around to silence. "Right then. I need to talk to Alec and Cauthrien, and I'm sure all of you have your own matters to attend to. Thank you." She walked off briskly.


	10. To Denerim

CHAPTER 10

The trip to Denerim was uneventful. The group would take a short breakfast, walk all day save for a stop to rest and take a brief midday meal, then it was more walking until it was time to make camp for the night. Nathaniel typically would hunt for rabbit or other small game while Alec built a fire, and Nathaniel or Elissa would cook while Cauthrien continued Alec's sword training. After dinner consisted of the group sitting around the campfire in quiet conversation and then watches for the night. It was surprising that the _normalcy_ of it all was … well, boring. Cauthrien was quiet and respectful, very thoughtful even, and Alec seemed to have the sort of hero-worship for Elissa that small boys have for their childhood heroes. _I can't believe I actually miss all the noise Anders and Oghren make. They would laugh if I ever told them. Still, it is nice to be outdoors and able to actually look at the stars for a change, even if I'm itching to do something._

Once or twice, during the quiet moments, Nathaniel would look up and see Elissa watching him, an unreadable expression on her face. He would raise his eyebrow quizzically at her, causing her to blink and then return to whatever she was doing. _She must notice the silence as well._ He would then shrug and go back to switching between contemplation and wariness, expecting an attack that never happened.

With the lack of delay, the group easily made it to Denerim in good time. Elissa led them to a tavern in the market district and took out rooms for them. Since it was late in the day, she decided that they would wait until morning to visit the palace, instead sending the tavern's messenger to the palace to inform the King of their arrival and plans.

After a quick bath to clean up from the road and a change of clothing, Nathaniel left his room to visit the tavern. He found Cauthrien and Alec seated at a table, but no sign of Elissa. "Have you already eaten?" he asked.

Cauthrien shook her head. "We've ordered, but haven't gotten our food yet. The Commander said to go on without us and eat, but she did ask that you see her to talk about some Warden business."

"I will do that then," Nathaniel replied. "Thank you."

Nathaniel ordered food, enough for both of them to eat if Elissa hadn't taken dinner yet, and carried the tray to her door. When he knocked, he heard a muffled, "Just a moment!" and a few moments later the door opened to show a freshly scrubbed Elissa, her hair still wet from her bath and loose from its customary bun, wearing a linen shirt untucked over loose-fitting breeches.

She opened the door wide. "Please, come in," she said with a smile. "I was just getting dressed when you knocked." She looked down at the tray Nathaniel was carrying. "Excellent! I'm starving. Thanks." She smiled again and padded into her room, her feet bare, and curled up on the sofa in the sitting area. "Let's eat and then we can talk."

Nathaniel brought the tray forward and placed it on the sitting table before taking his place on the other end of the sofa she was sitting on. He studied her for a moment as she started to eat. Her color was good, and instead of the ever-present sadness that she had in her eyes when they had first met, there was peace. Combining that with the loose clothing and the way she was sitting on the sofa, her feet tucked under her, she looked adorable_. Wait, I just thought of a woman who can kill an ogre with one shot as adorable. I must be losing my mind._

Elissa looked up at Nathaniel then. "Did you want something to eat?" she asked. Then, studying his face, "What are you thinking about?"

_How you are a lovely woman and I've never noticed it before,_ his mind said. His mouth came up with a different response. "You know, I've never seen you out of your armor before. Well, except for that one time." Nathaniel felt his face growing hot as he realized how that sounded. He quickly picked a piece of bread from the tray and broke it to cover his embarrassment.

Elissa laughed, a low, sultry sound. "You, dear Nathaniel, have been spending entirely too much time with Anders," she teased. She looked down at herself. "It's comfortable, and I've always hated wearing dresses. I used to frustrate my mother to no end." She chuckled. She then pitched her voice slightly higher and said, in a nagging tone, "How will I ever have more grandchildren if you don't settle down? And you won't settle down until you at least pretend to be a proper lady!" She shook her head in amusement. "All I knew is that most of the _proper ladies_ I saw looked like they needed to let their corsets out significantly."

Nathaniel laughed. "How true." He then smiled at Elissa. "I think this," he indicated her current choice of attire, "suits you." He then picked up some food and began to eat in earnest. Elissa smiled, and they enjoyed a companionable silence while they ate their fill and opened a bottle of wine.

After dinner, Elissa sat back. "So, what do you think of Cauthrien?" she asked conversationally.

Nathaniel considered the question a moment. "She certainly has skill," he started, "and she understands military hierarchy and strategy, especially since she used to command Loghain's forces. I'm used to having more boisterous companions," at this Elissa grinned, "but I think she would do fine as a Warden."

"Good, I thought so too and wanted to get your opinion. Now, about tomorrow, I think we should go to the castle first thing and take care of whatever Alistair wants to talk about, as soon as he's able to see us. Then we can go shopping at our leisure, get things for the keep, and I might want to visit the Alienage to see the elder there. I figure we might as well do some recruiting while we're in the capitol."

Nathaniel agreed that this was a sound plan. They spent the rest of the evening talking comfortably to each other and finishing the wine, like they had fallen in the habit of doing before Vigil's Keep had been attacked. As the evening drew to a close, Nathaniel excused himself and went to his room. _I missed this._

The next morning, they met in the front room of the tavern to have breakfast together. During breakfast, Elissa asked Cauthrien to help Alec shop for a new greatsword, as he desperately needed a weapon that was more suited for his own hand than one of Oghren's cast-offs. Cauthrien readily agreed, and after they were finished eating, Elissa and Nathaniel made their way to Denerim's royal palace to meet with King Alistair.

Once Elissa announced herself at the gate, the pair was shown directly to a small sitting room where King Alistair awaited them. He stood as they entered. "Warden Commander, it is good to see you again," he said formally. "Is this one of the new Wardens?"

Elissa cocked her head and studied the King before answering. "You know, Alistair, I had just gotten finished telling Nathaniel here that you weren't all stuffy and political like some of the other nobles. Are you trying to make a liar out of me?" She grinned at him then, beaming one of her brightest smiles.

Alistair looked surprised for a moment, then smiled back at her. "Thank the Maker! I really HATE having to be all king-like unless it's necessary." He relaxed and sat back down. "Please, have a seat, both of you. Eamon will be coming in soon and we can all talk. Nathaniel, right? It's good to meet you."

Nathaniel nodded back. "Thank you. It is good to meet you too."

While they waited for Chancellor Eamon to arrive, Elissa and Alistair made small talk. Nathaniel studied the king. The man was physically fit, with a tanned, handsome face and almost-blond hair. He was very expressive, every emotion showing on his face as he talked. _He seems very likable. It must be one of the reasons why he is already a popular king._

Nathaniel tuned back in to the conversation when he noticed Alistair looking nervous. "There is one thing I wanted to tell you, Elissa, before word gets out. I didn't want someone else to tell you. Next week I'll be announcing my," he swallowed, "my engagement."

Elissa sat there, stunned for a moment. Then she stood and walked over to Alistair and put a hand on his arm. "I just want you to be happy," she said quietly. "That is all I've ever wanted for you. Do I know her?"

Alistair sighed, looking relieved. "Do you remember Bann Alfstanna? The sister of the templar we found in the dungeons of the Arl of Denerim's estate?"

Elissa thought for a moment, then smiled. "Is that your fiancee? She's a good woman, and I think you and she make an excellent match. She's more likely to understand you than most of the noblewomen out there. She'll be a good queen."

Alistair smiled at her. "Thank you. Coming from you, that means a lot. I'm glad that after … everything, that we can be friends."

Elissa started to answer, but then an older gentleman came in the door. "Ah! It is good to see that you are here, and still in one piece. Your reputation as an indestructible force of nature grows every time I hear something about you." The man smiled at Elissa. He then turned to Nathaniel. "I am Eamon Guerrin, and you are?"

Elissa stepped in. "Eamon, please meet Nathaniel Howe, my second in command and a Grey Warden." Nathaniel bowed as both men stopped dead in their tracks, staring at Elissa like she'd gone insane. Before anyone could say anything, however, Elissa's voice rang out impatiently. "Oh, _please._ You, of all people, should know by now that a person's parentage means _nothing_ to me when compared to their character." Nathaniel looked up to see she was addressing the King, who was now looking at her rather sheepishly. And then she turned to the chancellor. "And I like you, Eamon, but you really need to relax. Nathaniel is a good man and I trust him with my life."

Eamon sounded amused as he replied, "Well, then. I guess if you're fine with it then I should be as well. Bryce didn't call you his 'fierce girl' for nothing. Since that matter seems to be settled, on to business." He sounded serious now. "We asked you to come here, Elissa, because we need to decide what to do about Anora."


	11. Old Choices Revisited

CHAPTER 11

Elissa and Nathaniel climbed the tower steps silently, pausing at the top only to hand a note to the guard with the royal seal attached. "We need privacy to speak with her. Can you please wait on the landing below? We will shout when we are done talking." The guard opened the note, looked at it to see that it looked genuine, then appraised both of them. He nodded and unlocked the door, then after they entered, shut it again and relocked it before heading down the stairs.

_This certainly is a pretty prison._ Nathaniel noted the luxurious furnishings, the expensive tapestries, and artwork and books throughout the room. Anora rose from her seat close to the door, placing a book on the low table in front of her sofa before rising and turning around to see her unexpected visitors. Her face was neutral looking at Nathaniel, but then she saw Elissa and scowled. "You." She said. "What could you possibly want to see _me_ for?" Her voice held bitterness and anger. "You are the reason why I am locked up here instead of ruling this country like I should have been for the past year!"

Elissa rose an eyebrow, then crossed to where Anora was standing. "All right, we'll start by hashing out the Landsmeet first, if that's what you want." Her voice went cold and flat. "One. It was common knowledge that Rendon had sent his men to kill everyone at Highever, and you did _nothing._ Two. You, as Queen, _allowed_ your father to declare himself Regent and take over control of the entire royal forces. Three. You allowed your father and Rendon to declare all Grey Wardens traitors to the throne, even though it made _no sense_ that the only people to stop a blight would be the ones to allow your own husband and nearly all their numbers to fall at Ostagar. To darkspawn. Four. You never developed an ally network that would allow you to retake the throne on your own, so you attempted to manipulate me into doing your work for you and tried to use my good name to vault yourself back into power. This, after heedlessly giving your father unlimited power and then being upset when he didn't do what you wanted him to do." Elissa held up a hand when Anora started speaking, "I'm not finished yet."

She held up her other hand and started to list more points. "One. Alistair and I went through the entire war fighting darkspawn, bandits, bounty hunters, assassins, and everything else that got thrown at us by your complicity and Loghain and Rendon's plots. Which, if you are as clever as you seem, you would have been able to easily learn about. Two. We assembled an army _on our own_ while having to raise enough money to help them prepare and train for battle. Three. Alistair _always_ tried to find a solution that would involve saving the most lives and would follow the path that was _right_ rather than what was convenient. Four. He made it a point to take me, and the rest of our group, to task if I had done something that he felt was not right or that would hurt people.

"Now, you can sit there and bathe in your self-righteous indignation that I chose to award the throne to someone who I thought would heal the country, rather than plunge it back into turmoil. You can certainly be angry that your life has changed. I get that it was a shock. But are you going to sit there in bitterness, holding on to your wounded pride, remaining part of the problems that _caused_ the civil war in the first place? Or are you going to finally admit to yourself that you screwed up and that the man who now holds the throne is doing _a good job_? Because if you think that I personally fixed all those problems alone, that I led those people alone, you are sadly mistaken. I just happened to have the Cousland name and the training to lead. There was no way I would allow any of our companions, especially the heir to the throne, to go through all of that without each and every one of them being able to lead if I should die. And make no mistake, just because someone is agreeable does NOT make him biddable. Alistair's track record speaks for itself." Elissa's eyes flashed angrily as she sat down.

"Cailan was killed!" Anora shouted. "What was I supposed to do?"

Elissa looked at her, her eyes and voice going frosty. "You said yourself that you were the power behind the throne. And if you think you will gain sympathy from me or Alistair, think again. You lost a husband. I lost both parents, my sister in law, my nephew, all my friends, and I thought my brother. Alistair lost the only people who up to that point ever made him feel like he had a _family_. We both lost our homes and our reputations and had to start over completely. The next time you think you have it bad, just remember that you didn't have to look at your nephew's slashed and raped body," Anora gasped," and then fight for your life so it didn't happen to you too, then see evidence that everyone you knew had the same fate happen to them. You didn't have to watch as the first man you ever spent the night with ran to the door to act as a human blockade to buy you the five minutes you needed to escape. You didn't have to leave your mother behind, because she insisted that you get away to see justice done and keep the family name from dying, knowing that she would be tortured to death by the very man she called friend earlier that day. And Alistair and I fought every step of the day while dealing with that grief, and made all the hard choices, because _you_ as _Queen_ refused to."

Anora sat back down, her face going white. She went completely silent and looked down at her hands. "I see," she finally managed. "I .. I didn't know about all that."

"Yes, well, you could have if you had wanted to." Elissa's voice was tired now. "But if you want to know why I put him on the throne instead of you, all that is why." She rubbed her eyes. "Anora, you're in quite a situation here. Your stubbornness has left you here because you refuse to swear fealty to Alistair. And frankly, at this point if you did you would look phony and nobody would believe you anyway. You're ruining what little positive legacy your father has left by your inability to see the total picture. Alistair doesn't want to have you hanged, but you're leaving him with little choice." She looked at Anora calculatingly now. "How long ago did the death threats start, by the way?"

Anora started. "A couple of months ago, now. Nobody has acted on it yet, though."

Elissa stood again. "Actually, you're wrong about that. Someone tried to poison your food last week. It's why Alistair sent for me. His people are good, but even if they stop most of the attempts, it will only take one to bring you down." She looked at Anora appraisingly. "Have you ever learned any self-defense moves, at least?"

Anora paled. "I never had to," she said faintly. "I have always had guards around me to do that."

Elissa made a sound of frustration in her throat. "I just know I'm going to regret this," she muttered to herself. "I can teach you, if you are willing. And offer you slightly better protection than you have here. But there is … a catch. You would have to be willing to undergo the Joining and become a Grey Warden."

Anora stood up. "A WHAT? Are you crazy?"

Elissa nodded at her, "I probably am. But think of it. If Alistair exiles you, after having refused to swear fealty for so long, what do you do? If it were me in your position, I would probably try to drum up foreign help and start a war with Ferelden. If you stay here, Alistair might as well hang you tomorrow, rather than waste men and money trying to keep you safe for a few extra months until the assassins figure out how to get into the castle. If I take you, I can keep an eye on you and let Alistair do his work, I potentially gain the famous Mac Tir strategy brain, and I can teach you to defend yourself. Hopefully in enough time that when the assassins come for you, you can at least fight dirty and buy yourself enough time to have someone come save you. And for yourself, you give yourself a fighting chance, you can try to redeem yourself by joining an order that currently holds a lot of sway in this country, and you can give yourself a fresh start, a chance to prove yourself. Make no mistake, Anora – you will never hold a position of power in Ferelden again, and certainly not in the Wardens. Don't expect it. I am not about to create another Sophia Dryden." Elissa's eyes were sure and clear as she told Anora this. "But you could take a known death over an unknown one and choose your destiny. Even if you die at the Joining, you can die with honor."

"Why not just kill me yourself, and save everyone the trouble?" Anora put her face in her hands. "It's not like your reputation would take much damage. Why go through the Joining? Somehow I doubt you actually want me to be a Grey Warden."

Elissa looked at her. "I never make the offer to someone that I don't think has the potential to become a good Grey Warden. What makes a Warden good is not always her battle skill. I could use a Warden who has your knowledge of political channels and who has already established a good relationship with Empress Celene. While we try not to take sides politically, we have to navigate politics as much as anyone else, and usually with heads of state. I can do it, but I could use someone who understands it better than me." Elissa motioned to Nathaniel to call the guards back. "Think about it, Anora. You don't have a lot of time – I have to go back to Vigil's Keep to let my brother finally go home and take care of his own castle. But I will be here through the end of the day tomorrow. If you want to come with me, send me word by then and I will come back and collect you. Otherwise, you're on your own."

Anora nodded, her face still in her hands. Nathaniel called the guard and he and Elissa left her to think.

By the time Nathaniel and Elissa got back to the Gnawed Noble Tavern, it was lunchtime. There was no sign of Cauthrien or Alec, so Nathaniel suggested they relax and get some lunch, then go shopping themselves. Elissa readily agreed, so they sat at a table and ordered a light meal with some ale to wash it down.

"You like to live dangerously," Nathaniel joked. "First this Zevran character, then me, and now her?" He lowered his voice. "Are you sure this is a good idea? She could turn on us, assuming she even survives the Joining."

Elissa smiled tiredly and put her hand on Nathaniel's arm. He found he enjoyed the warmth of the gesture. "It is a gamble. I've made bigger gambles though, and if she decides that she is willing to work with me as her commander, she might turn out all right. I would much rather be sure of our recruits, but having her hang is a waste of her talents and training. We might as well get use of it. Besides, if she does die while under my care, Alistair will not lose face. He will look like a generous ruler who wields mercy instead." She leaned back and lifted her tankard, then set it back down after taking a generous drink. "The commander before me, Duncan, had apparently conscripted or otherwise recruited a number of people who had no other choice besides death. I think I see why. If the person has a good, useful skill set, but has nowhere to go, why not see if they are willing to put those skills to good use? It makes the Joining a little less hard if you can rationalize that the people you condemn to death would have faced it soon anyway."

Nathaniel thought about this, then nodded. "I see your point. Is that why you conscripted me?" He watched her face as she thought on her answer.

"Partly, yes. I was sure that you would have been lynched if I had let you go off on your own, and I certainly wasn't about to hang you for breaking and entering, even if you did try to goad me." Elissa smiled cautiously. "But knowing you now like I do, I think if I had to do it again I would have let you go and waited to see if you came back to join on your own. I feel badly that I condemned you to some of the darker parts of being a Warden when I didn't have to." Elissa looked a bit sad at this. "You were going to be all right no matter what, given enough time, but I forced you into this life without your consent. I'm sorry I took your choice away from you."

"Don't." It was Nathaniel's turn to put his hand on Elissa's arm for comfort. "I think that joining the  
Wardens was the best thing to ever happen to me. I never had friends before coming back to Ferelden, and you gave me a chance when nobody else would have. After everything we've gone through together, I think of you as the family I always needed but never knew I wanted. There is nowhere else I would rather be. I mean it." He looked Elissa in the eye. "I would have come back, so you saved me some time is all."

Elissa smiled at Nathaniel gratefully. "Thank you."

Nathaniel smiled back at her and then changed the subject. "Are you all right with the wedding? You seem to be very fond of him still."

Elissa chuckled. "If you had asked me this question six months ago, the answer would have been a huge NO. But now..." she looked thoughtful. "When the blight was over, the only other person in all of Ferelden who had a chance of understanding who I was and what I had become had been crowned King. After telling me that we were not going to be able to be with each other. That's a particularly lonely feeling." She stopped for a moment, then smiled. "These past few months have really helped me get perspective. Alistair is a very good, decent man. And I will always think of him as one of my best friends. But with time, I have come to understand that he was not the person I was meant to be with. There are things we have never understood about each other that are too important to just accept without question." She smiled fully at Nathaniel now. "I know what you mean, what you said about family. I feel the same way about being a Warden. It makes everything else bearable."

Nathaniel smiled. "Glad to be of service, my lady. Shall we shop while we wait for our sword slingers to return?" He offered her a hand to help her rise.

Elissa laughed. "That sounds like an excellent plan." She accepted his hand and they walked out the door to spend a beautiful fall afternoon searching for things for the keep.


	12. On the Way Home

CHAPTER 12

They didn't have to wait long for an answer. After dinner that day, Elissa received a note from Alistair. It read simply, "She has agreed to your proposal." Elissa quickly penned a note stating her plans to collect Anora the next morning, and if there was anything Anora was to bring, she would have to be able to carry it herself.

When they arrived at the palace, Anora was waiting for them. She was wearing some basic splintmail, a heavy-looking longsword and shield, and had a small pack with her. _That is a good start; she's trying to be practical. Although if she can actually swing that sword, I'll eat my boot._ Standing next to her, attired in light armor with a pair of daggers on her back, was an elven woman with dark hair. Elissa stopped and looked at the woman. "Anora, you're telling me you can carry _her_ to the keep?" Anora and the woman started to speak, but Elissa interrupted. "Never mind. Bad joke. Anora, you do know that Wardens don't have handmaidens, right?"

The elf spoke then. "Lady Elissa, I wish to come with you to join your organization." She had a strong Orlesian accent. She looked at Anora, who nodded. "I am not only Anora's handmaiden, but a … friend. I have skills and I do not wish to be left behind. There is nothing here for me now since Anora is leaving."

Elissa considered her a moment. "I suppose it could work," she thought aloud. "You can use those daggers?" The woman nodded. "And you want to join the Wardens?" The elf nodded again. "Anora, Erlina, you are equals from here on. I want to see no signs of Erlina serving as a handmaiden to _anyone_. Anora, that means starting today, you will be learning how to do _everything_ – cooking, cleaning, washing your own clothes, you get the idea. Am I crystal clear?" Elissa was using her "I'm in charge" voice. Both the women nodded at this. "All right, Erlina. You can come with us. We'll test those skills of yours at the keep." Elissa nodded to Alistair, who had come with the women. "Your Majesty, it was good to see you again. Hopefully we will be able to communicate again soon."

"And you, Commander." Alistair smiled warmly at her. "I will try to visit the keep when my schedule will allow me." He rolled his eyes then. "It's like they expect me to work!"

Elissa smiled, and bowed to the King. She then turned to the group, "Let's be off. Daylight is burning."

Nathaniel noticed that Anora was subdued for much of the day. She spoke a little to Erlina, their heads tilted together familiarly. _I think I see what sort of 'friends' these women are_. Beyond that, she mostly watched her feet. When they stopped for lunch, Anora practically collapsed on the spot. Nathaniel brought her a waterskin, which she greedily drank from, and she gratefully accepted the dried fruits and nuts that he gave her. But she didn't complain at all, which Nathaniel found surprising. Instead, when Elissa put her pack back on, she slowly got up and trudged behind the group, a look of intense concentration on her face. _She should sleep well tonight – she'll be exhausted. She's determined, good sign. _Nathaniel noticed that Elissa would glance back every so often and appraise Anora's progress. When she noticed Nathaniel watching her, she nodded in satisfaction then glanced pointedly at Anora. _Good, she's noticed too._

When it came time to stop for dinner, Elissa sent Erlina to collect the firewood then sat next to Anora. Nathaniel caught a quiet murmur of "I'll teach you how, but you need to do this," as he went to hunt down some game for the night. He returned quickly, three rabbits in hand, and put them down in front of Anora.

Elissa showed Anora how to prepare the rabbits to cook over the fire and left her to it. When the food was ready, Nathaniel was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was absolutely delicious. "This is really good," he said between bites. "Have you done this before?"

Anora shook her head. "No, but I've eaten rabbit enough to know when it looks and smells good. I was hoping it would be all right."

Elissa smiled at Anora. "You did great. You know," she added with a sly look at Anora, "Alistair was so incredibly bad at cooking that when we knew we would have to fight the next day, we took him off cooking duty. We were perpetually afraid that he would make us all ill." She laughed as Anora looked inordinately pleased with the compliment.

Anora and Erlina went to bed immediately after dinner while the others stayed up. "We'll leave them off watch while we travel," Elissa said. "They need the sleep and they're going to be sore tomorrow. But it was a good first day."

The rest of their trip was much the same until they were only a couple of hours from the keep. That was when both Nathaniel and Elissa's heads popped up. _Darkspawn._ Elissa gathered the group around her and quickly and quietly said, "Cauthrien, I want you to go with me. There's a darkspawn nearby off the side of the road, and I want us to check it out. Nathaniel, can you keep the others moving toward the keep?" Nathaniel nodded. "All right. Cauthrien, let's go." She and Cauthrien took off as quickly and quietly as they could.

"All right, we're going forward," Nathaniel started. "Alec, Erlina, stay near Anora. I will scout ahead. I can tell if there are darkspawn nearby, so I'm not too worried about that, but if something else should crop up I want us to be ready. We need to keep Anora safe." The other three nodded, Anora looking scared.

Nathaniel took point and cautiously advanced, listening for signs of trouble. He found it on the crest of the next hill. A small group of soldiers wearing the Cousland crest on their shields was surrounded by a significantly larger group of bandits, and they were not going to hold out long. Nathaniel's eye was caught by the Cousland soldier in front. _Maker's mercy, that's Fergus!_

Nathaniel shouted, "SURRENDER, AND I WILL BE MERCIFUL!" and took out the two bandits that were closest to Fergus' blind spot with two shots. _Good, that took their attention off him and onto me. _He then shouted, "FERGUS! INCOMING RAIN!" and started to shoot arrows almost straight up into the air to take out most of the bandits right by the Cousland guard. Fergus nodded in response and put his shield over his head, saying something to his remaining men who pulled in tight to him and used their shields to try to block the ground attacks.

Nathaniel ignored a shooting pain through his left thigh and kept moving automatically, tracking the trajectory of the arrow that pierced his leg and letting an arrow fly that went straight into the eye of the bandit archer who shot it. After the last archer was down, Nathaniel looked over to see Fergus and the last two of his men easily hacking through the remaining bandits, most of whom were lying on the ground with arrows sticking out of their leather armor at crazy angles.

Nathaniel was starting to feel dizzy. He looked down, and saw the shaft of the arrow sticking through his leg, blood flowing freely down into his boot and onto the ground. He stumbled a little as he looked back, ensuring that Alec and Erlina still had Anora safe. _Good, they didn't get attacked._ He nodded to Alec to say "it's safe now" and limped toward Fergus, only then lowering his bow. _Have to make sure he's all right. It would kill Elissa if he was hurt._

He didn't remember how he got to Fergus' side; maybe Fergus ran up to him. "Are you all right?" he asked Fergus breathlessly, the man swimming in and out of his vision. He saw the nod but failed to hear the response, saying only, "Good." before his world went black.


	13. Dreams

CHAPTER 13

The dream was strange. He hung, suspended in the air, with a pair of arms keeping him from falling. The only other thing he remembered was hearing a familiar voice whisper, "This is not just. You must stay here, or it will cause her great pain when she deserves none." Then, he woke.

_So hard to open my eyes..._ After first one, then two attempts, finally Nathaniel was able to force his eyes open. When he could finally focus, he realized Anders was sitting next to where he was lying down, one hand absently stroking his cat's fur while the other propped his head up. _He looks tired. _

Nathaniel tried to speak, managing little more than a gurgle. _So dry..._ But it was enough. Anders heard the sound and looked over to him, immediately dumping the cat off his lap and propped Nathaniel up, holding a cup to his lips. Nathaniel managed a few sips, which was enough to allow him to clear his throat and speak a little. "Thanks." His voice was hoarse, even to his own ears.

"One more time," Anders murmured. "Slow like before – we don't need you vomiting all over yourself." Nathaniel complied and Anders laid him back down, propping him up on some pillows so he could look around a bit. "There we go," the mage continued. "How do you feel?"

"Tired. Thirsty. Weak." Anders nodded to show he understood. "Where are we?"

Anders stood and with a flourish announced, "You, my friend, have been given the honor of being the first occupant of the rebuilt infirmary." He sat back down and said, "We carried you in as soon as the carpenters finished the roof and built a door. It seemed more fitting than lying in a tent, especially since winter weather hit a few days ago."

Nathaniel's eyes widened. "How long?"

"You've been out of it for a week. I'm actually surprised you woke up so soon." Anders then joked, "You do have a flair for the dramatic, though. Being carried into the keep by four beautiful women is _definitely_ how I want to attend my next party. It's too bad you missed it!" He looked serious again. "You nearly died from the blood loss. I am glad that you pulled through. Even now you're still far paler than your usual self. Which is saying a lot, mind you."

Nathaniel watched Anders' face as he asked, "The others? … darkspawn … "

Anders nodded. "They're fine. Well, physically. I had to put the commander to sleep with magic and ask Fergus and Oghren to carry her out so she would lie down. You had her really scared. She was almost as pale as you." Anders' face lightened up again. "You don't want to be me when she wakes up. I'm pretty sure I'll have to bunk up with you when she does!"

"Perish the thought." Nathaniel managed a weak smile. "They're all right, good. Was worried."

Anders nodded. "I'll bet. Here, let's get some more water into you and you need to rest. We'll try some broth in an hour or so if you're awake then." He lifted Nathaniel up into a sitting position again and gave him another drink.

A little while later, Anders was dozing in his chair, Ser Pounce-A-Lot in his lap, when the door opened behind him and a furious female voice whispered, "Anders, if you ever do that again I SWEAR I will get Alistair to teach Oghren his templar tricks!"

Nathaniel was feeling a little better now, having gotten some more water and broth into him. "Elissa?" he croaked.

He heard a gasp, then the door close and footsteps coming toward him. Elissa's face came into view as she studied his face, then put a hand over his. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long. I'm glad you're all right." He looked over at Anders. "I don't think he heard you, by the way." He looked at Elissa, studying the dark circles under her eyes and the worry lines in her forehead. "You need rest."

She waved it off. "I'm fine. I just got some sleep. Thanks to kitty-boy over there," she growled. "Speaking of which, I'm supposed to relieve him." She got up and opened the door, then slammed it. Anders jumped up, dumping his cat off his lap yet again, and spun to face the door in his battle stance. When he saw it was Elissa he actually backed up a few paces. "You." Elissa said, pointing at Anders. "Out. _Now._"

Anders retrieved his staff quickly. "You don't need to tell me twice!" he muttered as he hightailed it out of the room. Elissa closed the door after him and sat in the now-empty seat. When she looked at Nathaniel again, her eyes were serious, her mouth set in a grim line. "When Cauthrien and I returned, and saw you lying on the ground ..." her voice trailed off, and she closed her eyes, her chin trembling. She took a moment to compose herself. "You were so pale. I thought you were gone already." She stopped again, and took a deep breath.

_She really was scared._

"Thank you for saving my brother's life. I know that you understand how much that means to me." Elissa looked at Nathaniel. "But _please_ don't go into battle alone again unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't want to lose you. You're too important to me." She reached over and squeezed Nathaniel's hand.

_So warm. It feels nice._ Nathaniel gently squeezed her hand back and smiled, and they sat in a comfortable silence until Nathaniel drifted back to sleep.

This time, the dreams that came to Nathaniel involved feeling the weight of a warm body curled up against his side, with soft, comforting strokes against his hair and face.


	14. Nobility

CHAPTER 14

It didn't take long for Nathaniel to recover, which was good since he did not take well to idle time. By the third day after he awoke, he was able to dress and shave without help, and by the end of the following week Nathaniel was able to resume his full schedule with barely any extra rest periods.

It was during archery practice that one of the privates came up to him and handed him a scroll. "Message for you, ser," the private said and then walked off, more notes in hand. Curious, Nathaniel looked at the seal. _Cousland crest. I wonder what this is about?_ Nathaniel broke the seal and opened the scroll.

_Ser Nathaniel,_

_I hope this letter finds you well and fully recovered. I apologize for not thanking you in person for your daring rescue; I would much rather have spoken than written to you. Unfortunately I had neglected my duties for too long and so had to return back to my estate before you awoke. _

_Words can not adequately express my gratitude for your selflessness and bravery in dealing with the bandits that had attacked my men and myself on the road. Your presence and your prowess with a bow were all that changed the situation from a massacre to a victory for us. No small feat, that. You have personally preserved the Cousland name and prevented the terynir from falling apart to political upheaval._

_I owe you a debt that can never be repaid, my friend. But I can certainly try to make some of it up to you. Enclosed you will find a map, with a section of Amaranthine just west of the Pilgrims Path marked off. This land is now yours to rule as you see fit. There are a few farms already on the land, and there is a prime spot for a castle that you can build to suit your liking. I wish that I could do more for you at this time, but it is a small start. _

_In addition, I have formally submitted your name for commendation at the next Landsmeet for your heroic actions, and you and yours will always be welcome guests in Highever. If there is ever anything I can do to help you, please do not hesitate to ask. Help is never far away._

_Sincerely and most gratefully,_

_Fergus Cousland, Teyrn of Highever_

Nathaniel sat down directly in the courtyard, uncaring of the strange looks he was getting, then reread the note. He rubbed his eyes, and read it again. By the fourth read-through he suddenly found himself looking at a pair of boots, the owner of whom crouched down to look him directly in the face. "He looks all right to me, Commander," Anders said. "I don't see a need to use healing magic, but I think he might need a rest."

"You've been pushing yourself too hard, Nathaniel." Elissa's voice carried more than a little concern in it. "You don't want to be put on forced bed rest."

"I'm fine," Nathaniel said, albeit a bit faintly. He then handed the letter up to Elissa and waited while Elissa and Anders read the note together.

Anders whistled low, and Elissa sat down on the ground next to Nathaniel. She looked at him intently while Anders started in. "Fancy! A bann! Does that mean if I rescue some damsels in distress I can become the Teyrn of Gwaren? Because, you know, I'd be more than happy to help with that."

"Anders!" Elissa said sharply then pointedly looked at Anora, who was not far off and watching the spectacle. "A _little_ sensitivity, please?" She shooed Anders off and looked at Nathaniel again. "Are you all right?" she asked more quietly.

"I think so," Nathaniel started. "This is a complete surprise. I never expected _this._ I'm not quite sure what to do about it." He took the offered note back from her hand and folded it. "I need to think about this."

"You know that whatever you decide to do, I will support you." Nathaniel looked over to Elissa. "If you decide you want to go ahead and build there, you are not obligated to stay with the Wardens." She looked at Nathaniel again as if asking him a question, but Nathaniel could not tell what the question was. _This is more important than deciding whether or not I return to life as a noble. Something else is riding on this, but I can't tell what it is._ "Go get some rest, Nathaniel. You have been working harder than necessary lately and the rest will do you some good. And it will give you time to think." She stood up and brushed the dirt off her armor. "If you want to talk, please let me know."

Nathaniel nodded in thanks and got up himself, picking up his bow and walking over to his makeshift quarters.

By the time Nathaniel had finished cleaning his armor, sharpening his daggers, and restringing his bow, he had taken a decent amount of time to think. And the more he thought, the more he realized that everything seemed _wrong_ about him going back to the life of nobility.

_I never felt right as a noble. I was good at it, I think, but do I really want to enter that world again? I like not having to parade myself around, trying to make a marriage match based on political background, and overseeing land disputes and collecting taxes is about as interesting as watching grass grow. Here, I make a _difference_, and I feel like we are a family, something I never felt at home, excepting with Delilah of course. Wait, Delilah!_

Nathaniel got up and started to leave his room, only to run into Elissa, who had been getting ready to knock on his door. He grabbed her shoulders to keep her from falling, and excitedly said, "I know what to do! I was just coming to tell you about it." He practically dragged Elissa into his room and closed the door.

Elissa raised an eyebrow, not sure whether or not to be amused at Nathaniel's rare display of excitement. "Are you all right?" She smiled, but there was still a guarded, cautious look in her eye.

"I'm fine. In fact, I am better than fine." He laughed. "All right, let me run the idea by you, and you tell me what you think, and if you think Fergus would be all right with everything." She nodded, prompting him to continue. "I don't want to be a bann. The more time I have spent away from noble life, the more I realize that I _hated_ it. The marriage market, the petty squabbles, all of it. I feel like my home, my priorities are with you, here with the Wardens. But I don't want to outright refuse Fergus' generosity either – he gave me a really nice piece of land, one of the best in the arling, and it would be stupid to antagonize him.

"So, what I would like to do is to hold the land in trust for Delilah's child, for him or her to take over the land upon reaching majority. That will allow me to stay here and do what I love best, with the people I am most comfortable, and will also allow time for our family to save to build a nice castle when my niece or nephew will be old enough to run it. Plus, by then hopefully I will have been able to work toward regaining the respect the child will need to have freeholders pledge allegiance to the bann." Nathaniel stopped a moment, realizing he had been pacing in his excitement, and turned to Elissa. "Do you think Fergus would be all right with that?" _Please, say yes. This feels exactly right to me._

Elissa's eyes were shining. "I don't see how he could possibly object. It sounds like an excellent plan, and the right decision for you, if your current state is any indication." Elissa laughed aloud then, as Nathaniel swooped her up into his arms and was currently leading her in a merry dance around the room. "Rest! Rest!" she laughed. "Although you _are_ a fine dancer. All right, let's write to Fergus and tell him about your plan."


	15. Join Us

CHAPTER 1_5_

"Today is the one year anniversary of the slaying of the archdemon," Elissa announced at breakfast. "I think, all things considered, today is as good a day as any for our recruits to go through the Joining."

The three recruits looked at Elissa with varying degrees of trepidation. Cauthrien was the most composed of the three, although Nathaniel could see a slight tinge of fear in her eyes. Erlina hid her fears well also, putting on a mask of bravado. Anora, however, looked like she was going to vomit. _She's tough, but she knows she's the least prepared for this. If you can even prepare for this._ Nathaniel decided against saying anything. _Maker help them all._

Nathaniel liked all three women who were going through the Joining that day. Cauthrien was very quiet and reserved, but her skills were unmistakable and she was able to hold her own keeping up with Oghren if the dwarf got a bit, well, too 'Oghren.' Erlina's skills had been tested when she got to the keep, as promised; her dagger skills were merely adequate, but she made up for it in stealth and smarts. Anora was working really hard, but she was simply too new at it to tell if she would be able to really pick up the ability to fight well. With having had less than a month of training, she was still incredibly slow and she had to think too much about everything. Still, she was smart about how she approached learning and spent a lot of time in the training yard.

Elissa met with the non-recruit Wardens after breakfast. "Be prepared. In the group I joined with, I was the only survivor. Death from the Joining is really awful. We've been lucky so far." Her voice quieted a bit and took on just a touch of nerves. _I think she's just as nervous as the recruits. _"Anders, will you be all right preparing the Joining?"

Anders nodded. "Not to worry. I'll start right away."

"Thanks." Elissa sounded grateful. "Let us know if we can help." She said to everyone then, "You are all welcome to join us as I administer the Joining, but it isn't necessary. I'll be taking the recruits to the throne room after lunch. Oghren, did you want to write letters now, or later?"

"Let's do it now, Commander." Oghren got up, as did Elissa, and she led the way out. Oghren quickly turned and gave a thumbs up to both Nathaniel and Anders. _Good, he'll keep her distracted until it's time._

"Do you need me for anything, Anders?"

"Nah, I'll be fine. This is one of those mage things." Nathaniel nodded. "I'll go look for you on the practice yard if anything comes up."

Later, they would meet at the throne room – Elissa, Nathaniel, Anders, Oghren, and the three new recruits, and Nathaniel intoned, "Join us, brothers and sisters ..."

Elissa was right. Death from the Joining was really awful. And to have to see it twice, well, that was worse. Erlina was the only one of the three to survive, bravely steeling herself and drinking from the chalice without hesitation even as Anora gasped her last breath. And Cauthrien's body just wouldn't take in the poison. For Anora and Cauthrien both, Elissa knelt by them during their last moments and quietly said, "I am sorry," with tears in her eyes.

After it was done, Nathaniel and Oghren took the bodies and set up pyres quietly away from the workmen. Elissa joined them as soon as she was able, explaining that Anders would sit with Erlina in case she woke up while they started the cremations.

"At least Anora got an honorable death," Elissa said. "She tried really hard and we, at least, will always remember her for that. And Cauthrien, she was a good woman. I will miss her." Nathaniel couldn't agree more. Elissa left, and a few moments later Anders came to pay his respects. Nathaniel stayed a few moments more, then decided he needed time alone to think as well. _We barely knew them, but Elissa had history with these people. I should go to see her later - maybe she will want to talk._

He passed by the throne room on the way to his quarters and peeked in. Erlina was awake now, and Elissa was rocking her and rubbing her back, speaking softly to her. _I don't envy her job right now._ He decided to let them be and continued on his way.

Neither Erlina nor Elissa came down for dinner that night. Nathaniel was inclined to let them both have their privacy, but as he returned to his room he heard noises in Anora's quarters. He opened the door to see Erlina packing Anora's things.

"You don't have to do that," he said. "I imagine it's hard for you." Erlina turned and looked up at him, her face full of anguish.

"I do, actually," she said, her Orlesian accent thicker than usual. "It helps me to … say goodbye." Nathaniel nodded in understanding. "What do I do with her armor and weapons though?"

Nathaniel thought for a moment. "The shield and sword were her father's, I assume?" Erlina nodded, seeming unable to speak. "I think she would have wanted you to keep them." Erlina looked startled. "You knew her better than anyone else, and were her best friend. I think it appropriate that you have them as they probably meant more to her than anything else she had."

"I … thank you. Do you think it will be all right?" Erlina looked at the shield lying on the bed yearningly. "It would be good to have something to remember her by."

"I think it will be fine," Nathaniel reassured her. "I will go and speak to the Commander and let her know I told you to take them. I'm certain she won't object." Erlina smiled then, just a little, and she turned back to her packing. Nathaniel closed the door quietly and changed course to Elissa's room.

He knocked on the door. "Elissa?" he called softly, in case she was asleep. He heard her muffled invitation and entered the room, closing the door behind him.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking down at her hands. He sat next to her and watched her examine her hands for a moment, then said, "Erlina decided to clean up Anora's room. I told her to keep Anora's shield and sword so she would have something to remember Anora by."

Elissa nodded as in afterthought. "Yes, that's a good idea. I'm glad you thought of it." Her voice was unsure and perhaps a bit tired. She continued to stare down at her hands in her lap, her shoulders slumped.

Nathaniel gave her a moment, then decided to break the silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Elissa didn't answer for a moment, and when she did, the words came out haltingly. "I know … I know I said we'd been lucky so far with our recruits. And we have been. Even today ... going into it, I knew there was a good chance that none of them would make it through." She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. "This was the first time that someone I recruited directly has died."

"I'm sorry," Nathaniel murmured. "I thought you had gone through this before, with the woman who joined with Anders and Oghren."

"There was a woman in that group who died, yes, but Mhairi had been recruited by the Orlesians before I came. I felt terrible, of course, but it wasn't the same." Another breath was drawn then let out, showing her fraying control. "You asked me once what one more death would mean to me. I know you were angry at the time," she halted his objection before he could voice it, " and trying to hurt me, but I can't stop thinking of it.

"With most of the other people I've killed, it's been easier to rationalize. 'They attacked me first,' I would think, or 'Their crimes would bring the death sentence anyway,' or any one of a thousand reasons that would make me the instrument of justice instead of a murderer. I would try to talk down people where I could, try to have fewer people die at my hands, and so I was able to reassure myself that at least I _tried. _Even though I've felt every life I've ever taken." Her voice cracked a little, but she closed her eyes and struggled to regain control. "I can't tell myself that about Cauthrien and Anora. They knew it was poison, but I still gave it to them and did nothing when it killed them. And they _didn't_ deserve to die. They drank it, and it killed them, and I am the one who made it happen.I don't know how to live with that." She fell silent again, turning her hands over to inspect the palms.

"People died by my hand today, Nathaniel. People who didn't," her voice cracked again, but she cleared her throat, "who didn't deserve it. And the worst part is I will do it again, the next time we have recruits. And the next after that." She shook her head. "Erlina should hate me right now. In fact," she half-laughed, half-sobbed, "I would feel better if she did. But she says she doesn't blame me... I don't understand it." She put her head in her hands. "How do I stop this and forget all the killing I've done?"

Nathaniel sat in silence, trying to think of something to say. Finally, he voiced the thought that kept nagging at him. "I don't think that you do forget. I don't think it's possible."

Elissa's whole body went still at his comment, and then a moment later started shaking. Nathaniel put his arms around her and tucked her head under his chin. "I think..." he started gently as she began to cry in earnest, "I think that if you can forget about that, if you make yourself stop feeling, then that is when you lose your humanity." He rubbed circles on her back with one hand and wrapped his hand around her neck with the other, and closed his eyes. "That's probably what happened to Loghain and maybe even my father. They deadened themselves to the death and destruction, and it took away the good parts of who they were. It ruined them. I would hate to see the same happen to you."

He held her until she had cried herself out, stroking her hair and cheek and whispering reassurances to her the entire time. When her fingers finally loosened themselves from their death grip on his shirt and her last sobs quieted, he held her for a bit longer, still keeping her head tucked under his chin and holding her up until she fell asleep. Then he laid her down on the bed, removed her boots and put a spare blanket over her sleeping form, and kissed her on the forehead before letting himself out of the room.


	16. Detour

CHAPTER 16

The next morning, Nathaniel found Elissa in the practice yard. She sensed him before he spoke and turned to him. "Good morning," she smiled at him, her mood considerably lighter than the evening before. "Did you sleep well?"

Nathaniel approached her. "I slept well enough." He lowered his voice, "How about you? How are you feeling today?"

"Apparently getting a good cry and a good sleep was just what I needed. I have a habit of holding my stresses in too long, and when I get overwhelmed ..." she shrugged. "You have something like last night. Thank you, by the way – what you said makes a lot of sense. I'm glad you were there for me." She chuckled. "I just hope I didn't ruin your shirt by crying all over it."

"It is no problem." Nathaniel neglected to mention that her rose-scented perfume had permeated said shirt, so his dreams involved flowers and green eyes and...no, better not go there. He didn't need another cold bath before breakfast. "You must have gone a long time before letting it out then."

Elissa nodded. "It's been years, probably. My mother told me once not to forget to let others take care of me sometimes, since I always want to solve everyone else's problems. I tend to forget that." She let out a sheepish grin.

_When was the last time someone offered to take care of you? Shouldn't Alistair have done that for you when you were together? _He looked at her calculatingly. _There is still some grief there from yesterday, but it looks like she will be all right._ He smiled at her then. "Any time you need to cry on a shirt, let me know. I have extras." The laugh and smile that followed was ample reward and reassurance that all would be well.

Just then, the keep's messenger arrived. "A message for you, My Lady," he said and handed her a scroll. Elissa broke open the seal and read it, her eyebrows raising.

"What is it?" Nathaniel asked.

"Another accident with one of the arling's nobles."

"Another? Isn't that the third one this month?"

Elissa nodded and sighed. "I think I know what this morning's meeting topic will be. Well, as you like to say, there's never a dull moment. Shall we go to breakfast?" She placed her bow on her back as Nathaniel nodded, and they walked together to the dining hall.

Anders snorted. "So, the nobles in the arling have suddenly become extremely clumsy?"

"Maybe this guy just couldn't hold his liquor," Oghren added, and then he snickered. "Maybe he thought it was a chamberpot and got lost."

Elissa raised an eyebrow at Oghren, "Perhaps. But three accidents in four weeks is particularly suspicious to me. Now, we have Ser Frederic whose house burnt to the ground with him inside, the assumption being that he knocked a lamp over and was too drunk to notice. Then there was Lady Ceana, who fell down the stairs in her home and broke her neck. Now, Bann Earnan has fallen into his well head-first?" She shook her head. "Something strange is going on here, and we're going to need to figure it out."

"There is something you should know, Commander." Garevel got Elissa's attention. "All of these people were fiercely loyal to Rendon Howe."

Elissa rubbed her forehead. "That's great. Just great. So, if this keeps up people are going to think that I'm ordering assassinations." She stood up. "We will need to investigate. Let's start with Earnan, since that was only yesterday. There will be more of a chance to find any clues if things are amiss."

"I would like to go," Erlina said. "I could see if anything looks odd." _Good idea. If she keeps busy it will help her work through yesterday's events._

"Good idea, Erlina. Anders, I would like you to go too. You have the best chance of finding anything that would indicate a magic user would be there. Any hexes drawn in strange places, that sort of thing. Are you up for it?" Elissa looked at Anders, who nodded vigorously. "And Garevel, Oghren, I figure between you two you can get information from the other members of the estate. See if they saw or heard anything unusual, and see if anyone actually saw the Bann fall. Erlina, do your bard thing and watch their reactions to the questions." Erlina looked up at Elissa, shocked. Elissa smiled slyly. "I traveled with a bard for a year. I managed to pick up some tricks." Erlina just shook her head, bemused, as Elissa concluded the meeting. "You four go ahead and go to the estate. Let us know what you've learned after you've finished there. I think we might have to go to the city later to ask around, maybe try to find the Dark Wolf," a wry smile accompanied the statement, "and see what he knows about all this."

Elissa turned to go, but just then a soldier came into the room. "Commander," he said, "there are soldiers on the road. It looks like Redcliffe, ser."

"Redcliffe? More soldiers? Interesting," Elissa mused. She followed the soldier out of the room, as did the other Wardens and Garevel to meet their visitors. They formed a greeting party at the gate and waited just a few minutes for the soldiers to come into sight. The head of the arriving party was led by a tall man, dark auburn hair matched nearly perfectly by dragonscale armor. Behind him were a number of heavily armored knights in matching chevalier-style plate.

When Elissa saw the man in front with the red hair, she smiled widely and called out, "Teagan! Is that you?"

"One and the same, my dear Elissa," the man replied as he strode directly up to the Warden Commander. "It is a pleasure to see you well after all this time." He studied Elissa's face intently, and seemingly satisfied, he smiled broadly and his voice deepened just ever so slightly. "You look lovelier every time I see you."

Elissa laughed. "Flatterer." She then introduced the Wardens and Garevel one at a time. While awaiting his introduction, Nathaniel placed the man. _Teagan Guerrin. Brother to Chancellor Guerrin, and just become Arl of Redcliffe. He was Cailan's uncle._ Sometimes the training to be a noble came in handy.

Anders whistled under his breath and muttered in Nathaniel's ear, bringing him back to reality. "How does he _do_ that? I'd kill to be that smooth!" Nathaniel looked to see what Anders was talking about, and for the first and possibly last time in his life, he looked to see Erlina blushing when being introduced to a man. Then he studied the man himself.

Teagan was handsome, he had to admit. His demeanor was gentle, yet extremely confident. The man had to be about forty, but he had the sort of looks that improved with age rather than diminshed. He _was_ incredibly charismatic; everyone who he was introduced to seemed to immediately like him. He spoke directly to everyone and did not make a fuss about his being the highest ranked person there, and seemed to be sincerely interested in everyone he met. He even got on well with Oghren. _This man has got to be immensely popular. _

When Nathaniel was introduced, he bowed with his arms crossed in front of him, "Greetings, Arl Teagan. It is a pleasure to meet you." To his surprise, Teagan walked over to him and offered a handshake.

"It is excellent to meet you, Ser Nathaniel. Please, call me Teagan. I had heard about Fergus' incredible rescue. Well done." Nathaniel blinked and shook Teagan's hand.

"Thank you. Please, just call me Nathaniel." _Well, that was much easier than I expected._ He dropped Teagan's hand and watched as Teagan nodded to him with a smile, then turned back to Elissa.

"I hate to just drop in on you like this," Teagan began apologetically, "but we had decided to take a detour on our way to Denerim and thought we might visit you, since you are almost on the way. You don't mind, I hope?"

Elissa laughed. "Of course I don't! It's always good to have friends visit. You and your men are more than welcome to stay for as long as you wish. You're on your way to the engagement ball then?"

Teagan nodded. "Yes. Will you be going as well?"

Elissa shook her head. "No," she said pleasantly. "We have too much to do here to leave for a party and my presence there would only take away from the attention Alfstanna and Alistair should be receiving. I don't want to disrupt their day. I had to promise I wouldn't miss their wedding," and here she rolled her eyes in amusement, "but for now, I'm off the hook." She smiled.

_She really is fine with it, isn't she? I am glad for her._ Apparently Teagan thought so too, because his smile brightened further and he offered his arm to Elissa. "Please, I would love to catch up with you before we move on then. What have you been up to?" as they turned to walk toward the keep.

Nathaniel watched the pair walk arm in arm, talking animatedly, and suddenly he felt ill. _They look good together, don't they? And it's obvious that they're fond of each other._ He forced himself to focus on Anders' face in front of him. "We're going to head out, look around like the Commander asked," Anders stated. "We'll see you soon." Nathaniel nodded, barely noticing his comrades' departure. He decided that today was a very good day to catch up on his reading and decided to head back to his room.


	17. Detour, part 2

CHAPTER 17

The book did not last long. Or rather, Nathaniel didn't last long reading his book. _Don't act like a child, Nathaniel. This is ridiculous, hiding away like this. You have no say in what she does and no claims upon her time. Get _over_ it._

He gathered his bow and quiver and headed to the practice yard. There he spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon practicing and teaching any interested soldiers. The work helped to clear his mind and improved his mood considerably.

Mid-afternoon, the group investigating Bann Earnan's death arrived back at the keep. They found Nathaniel packing up his things and preparing to put them away. Nathaniel straightened up and asked, "Did you find anything?"

Garevel replied for the group. "We found nothing there. All seemed to be in order. The bann had apparently been drunk when he fell into the well," Oghren snickered and muttered "chamberpot" to himself, "and there were no signs that anything else was amiss. There is a new problem, though."

"What is that?"

"Bann Machar apparently also died in an accident. We passed his estate on the way back and his family stopped us to give us the news."

Nathaniel was surprised. "What? What happened?"

"He was in the habit of taking a walk after dinner, it seems, and he apparently got caught in a claw trap that the family had laid for wolves on the perimeter of his estate. He went missing last night and was not found until this morning. It looks like he died from a combination of blood loss and exposure."

"That is unfortunate. Let me guess, he was loyal to my father as well?" A single nod from Garevel confirmed the guess. "I suppose we should let the Commander know. Have you had lunch?"

"No, and I personally am starving," Anders said. "We need to eat before we do anything else." The others nodded in agreement.

Nathaniel nodded. "I will go and let the Commander know you are back. You should go ahead and get something to eat. Rest for a bit." He turned and headed toward the study, which was Elissa's usual place to work at that time of day.

The study door was open, so Nathaniel walked right in. He was greeted with the sight of Arl Teagan standing far too close to Elissa for Nathaniel's comfort, facing her with a particularly … _earnest_ expression on his face. He had one hand on Elissa's shoulder and was speaking very quietly to her. She said something back and he smiled at her.

_No, I did _not_ just see that._ The good mood that Nathaniel had built up over the course of the day evaporated in an instant. He cleared his throat loudly, earning a surprised look from Teagan. Elissa spun around to face the sound, surprise clearly in her eyes.

"The group you sent out this morning is back now, Commander," Nathaniel said tersely. "They needed to eat so I told them to go ahead and take care of that."

"Thank you, Nathaniel," Elissa said, a question in her eyes that Nathaniel refused to acknowledge. "I suppose I should go talk to them. Will you join us?"

"I don't think I will be able to make it, Commander." Elissa's eyebrow raised at the repetition of the word _Commander._ "Something … didn't agree with me so I was planning on getting some rest." Nathaniel struggled to remain civil. _Your problem, not hers. Your problem, NOT hers..._ he chanted in his mind.

Elissa nodded. "Very well. I hope you feel better soon. We'll fill you in on the details later." She barely finished before Nathaniel was out the door, silently and quickly making his way to his room.

Dinner came and went, and Nathaniel opted to stay in his room. He was too keyed up to eat, and in his current state of mind he could not guarantee he would behave properly in front of Elissa's guests. His book from earlier remained on his lap, opened to the same page that it had been that morning. He looked at it with unseeing eyes, instead replaying the events of the night before and that day and trying to sort himself out.

_Great. Just great, Nathaniel. You figure out you're in love with her the VERY day that you meet someone who is far better for her than you will ever be. _Finally giving up on the book, Nathaniel closed it and put it down, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. _Who would willingly take me over him? I have no money, no status; people HATE my family. This man is from the second most respected family in the country and he is already friends with her. Face it, Nathaniel. You are going to have to learn how to live with this._

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Hey, kid!" a familiar, gruff voice called. Then Oghren walked in. "I didn't disturb anything, did I?" he asked, a familiar leer on his face while he laughed his 'I'm thinking dirty thoughts' laugh.

Nathaniel groaned inwardly. _Not now, please._ Outwardly he said, "Did you need something, Oghren?" as Oghren took the chair opposite his and picked at his fingernails.

"Nah." Oghren grinned. "Commander said you were sick and I thought maybe you'd want to go get a drink to clean it outta yer system." He looked at Nathaniel, his attitude all swagger and bluster. "Quite a gal, the Commander. Too bad she's not a dwarf, heh heh heh."

"Yes, she is quite remarkable, isn't she?" _Where are you going with this, Oghren?_

"Did I ever tell ya about the Landsmeet? That was something else." Oghren paused a moment to boost himself back on the chair. "You know she put Alistair on the throne right?"

"I think all of Ferelden is aware she did that, Oghren," Nathaniel answered dryly. "She made it possible for him to take the crown and ended the civil war."

"No, you don't understand. She actually PUT that nug-humper on the throne!" Oghren exclaimed. "There she was, standing in front of all those nobles. Had just put Loghain in his place and into the ground. And there they were, all the sodding nobles of the country eating out of her hand. Then they say to her, 'Who should rule the country?' and look at her as if she was the first Paragon in human history." Oghren paused. "She coulda done anything. She could have put a bronto on the throne, and they'd have cheered her on. She was something. Anyway, there she was, an entire country looking at her to tell it what to do, and she says, 'Alistair will be king.' That confused me. I kept thinking, 'Why didn't she take the throne herself? She did all the work! Or at least tell them straight out that she would be Queen to that pike-twirler.'" Oghren took a drink from a flask that he mysteriously produced from his armor.

Nathaniel took the opportunity to answer. "Well, there was the matter of being a Warden, and since it's hard for Grey Wardens to have children -"

"She didn't know about that at the time. She didn't find out about that til after." Oghren looked at Nathaniel now, his eyes keen. "I asked her about it later. Wanna know what she said?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow and nodded for Oghren to continue.

"Well, I asked her, 'Why didn't you take the throne yourself? You would have gotten it no problem!' and she said, 'I lived the life of a noble, Oghren. I know what it's like. And I like being a Warden a lot better than being a noble.'" Oghren laughed uproariously then. "Gotta love it! She loves being a Warden so much she gave up being a sodding noble for it." He got up then. "So, you want to get a drink?"

Nathaniel shook his head, "No thank you. Maybe another time." Oghren shuffled to the door. "Oh, and Oghren?" Oghren turned to face him. "Thanks for the story."

Oghren nodded, his eyes twinkling before he turned around and headed out the door. "Don't stay up too late and lose your beauty sleep!" He roared with laughter and headed out.

Nathaniel mused for a while. Then he shook his head, smiling. _You're an idiot, Nathaniel. But at least you're an idiot with a chance._ Chuckling quietly to himself, he got ready for bed.

The next morning, after breakfast, Teagan and his soldiers headed out to complete their journey to Denerim. Nathaniel stood by Elissa at the gate as she saw them off. After they left, she turned to Nathaniel. "Are you feeling better today?" She looked concerned. "You weren't really acting like yourself yesterday."

Nathaniel smiled warmly at her. "I am feeling much better now. Thank you." They turned to head back into the keep. "What did you have planned for today?"


	18. Allegiances

CHAPTER 18

The city of Amaranthine was being restored very quickly indeed. Thanks to the large inflow of money and workers from around the country, some parts of the city were in better shape than Nathaniel remembered them being before the darkspawn attack. The market district had many vendor stalls and shops reopened, banners flying high and merchants busily hawking their wares. The housing district was moving along slower, but even there it was obvious that the city was recovering to a pristine beauty that Nathaniel remembered seeing only as a child. Even the city guard looked to have increased its numbers, and many of the soldiers were wearing shiny new armor and carrying well-crafted weapons. This greatly pleased Nathaniel and as he looked at Elissa, he noted that her observation of the city's progress put a smile on her face.

But now, the group had work to do. Elissa faced them as they stood outside the Crown and Lion. "We'll stay here for a couple of days and see if we can learn anything from the usual sources," she said. "I'll meet with my … contact, as soon as I can find him, and speak with Constable Aidan. Everyone else – split up and listen. See what the word on the street is. You can feel free to shop and visit, but make sure to pay attention while you do so. I'll rent out rooms, so you can get your key from the innkeeper when you're ready to settle in. Meet me in my room before dinner so we can discuss anything we've learned."

Oghren volunteered to go to the local taverns and Anders agreed to go with him. ("This way, one of us will actually listen to the conversations," Anders had said.) Erlina decided she would look and listen in the market, and Nathaniel thought he would visit his sister briefly before checking out the housing district of town and perhaps the Chantry.

Delilah looked beautiful. She claimed not to feel such, complaining about aches and pains and an inability to see her feet, but pregnancy suited her. She was due soon, and as such her belly made it difficult for Nathaniel to give his sister a proper hug when she greeted him at the door. He helped her to a seat in her house and they took the opportunity to catch up. She talked about preparations for the baby. Nathaniel informed her of his plans to pass the land he had been given to her child, which made her cry tears of happiness.

"We are all so proud of you, Nathaniel," she said, wiping her tears on a handkerchief. "When everyone heard about what you'd done for the Couslands, it made a lot of our neighbors realize that Father was the odd one out in our family. I think it's wonderful."

Nathaniel smiled and patted his sister's knee. "I hope to give your child a name to be proud of. There are enough heroes in our family that our legacy shouldn't be destroyed by Father's actions. Teyrn Cousland has been very helpful in getting that started."

Delilah shook her head. "Don't be modest, Nathaniel," she said. "You did a wonderful thing by choosing to save Fergus Cousland and you didn't have to. I am glad that he has made your actions known, but it wouldn't be possible without your bravery."

Nathaniel shook his head and smiled, then changed the subject. "I'm in the city on business as well, sister. Have you or Albert noticed anything strange with the local nobles?"

Delilah nodded. "I am glad you asked, actually. Albert will see them sometimes in the shop, and he sees their servants frequently. Your commander needs to watch out for Bann Esmerelle – every time Elissa Cousland's name is mentioned she gets a particularly _nasty_ look on her face, as if she has just swallowed a bug. And the Bann was … close with father before he moved to Denerim."

Nathaniel grimaced. "Ugh. That thought is not pleasant." He nodded. "I will warn Elissa about her. Thank you."

"I am glad that you are getting along well with her, dear brother." She studied Nathaniel closely. "You seem happier than you've ever been. I think being a Grey Warden suits you."

Nathaniel smiled. "As do you, Delilah. Being a wife and mother agree with you." He rose to leave. "I will try to visit again soon, but I have to go. Let me know when the baby comes?"

Delilah laughed. "Of course I will! I wouldn't dream of doing otherwise." She showed him to the door. "Take care of yourself, Nathaniel. And do come again soon. Maybe you will finally get to meet my husband."

The rest of the afternoon proved useless. The gossiping that Nathaniel heard involved petty everyday matters; apparently one of the town's local girls had up and gotten pregnant before marriage, but that didn't help him much. Otherwise, there was nothing interesting to learn. Nathaniel returned to the Crown and Lion and reported in to Elissa.

"Well," she sighed. "You have the best and only information so far. It's too bad we already knew that Bann Esmerelle doesn't care for me, although knowing for certain that she and your father had an … arrangement … might prove to be useful." She chuckled as Nathaniel made a face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." She continued. "I have made an appointment for you and I to visit her tomorrow and chat."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "Chat?"

"Yes. I plan to make nice while we watch her to see if she reacts suspiciously to our idle gossip. I'd like to make sure she's not arranging for evidence of previous conspiracies to be destroyed. Plus, it's only polite that I visit one of my banns when entering her _territory_." Elissa made it sound like a dirty word. "I'm sure that she is not particularly happy that I paid for the repairs to the city directly instead of giving the money to her to distribute."

Nathaniel nodded. "Yes, makes it very difficult to gather a percent for … upkeep expenses when you don't touch any of the money."

"Exactly so." Elissa shook her head, chuckling. "Anyway, I gave everyone the night off. They were making noises about 'recruiting' in one of the taverns that just opened up. So if you want to join them, feel free."

Nathaniel laughed. "I don't think I need to recruit today, thanks." He looked at Elissa, still clad in her armor from the day's travel. "Have you had dinner yet?"

"No. I was thinking about staying in and getting some rest where I know Garevel won't come barging in to tell me about something urgent that just came up." Elissa grinned. "It seems that the only time I get to relax is away from the keep, what with all the construction and training and paperwork."

"How about I bring us up something to eat?" Nathaniel asked. "We could have a quiet night while Erlina babysits the children." At Elissa's laugh, he added, "If you tell Anders and Oghren I called them that you have to clean up the mess they make of my innards."

Elissa laughed again. "It's a deal. Give me time to clean myself up, speaking of which. I feel completely grimy."

_She's beautiful when she laughs._ Nathaniel grinned. "I can do that. Let's say, an hour or so? I'd like to clean up as well." He ruefully indicated his own dirty boots. "Is there anything in particular you'd like to eat?"

Elissa shook her head. "No, surprise me." She grinned mischievously. "But not too much." Nathaniel smiled and shook his head as he left her room to prepare for dinner.

By the time Nathaniel had bathed, ordered food and selected a bottle of wine for dinner, the hour had passed. He brought the tray of food to Elissa's room and suddenly felt really … well, he felt _nervous._ He shook his head and calmed himself down before knocking on the door. _It's only dinner. Just relax. You do this all the time with her. I wonder if she left her hair down?_ He shook his head again at the memory of her long, beautiful hair falling down her back to her waist, unrestrained by hairpins. _To run my hands through that...ugh, focus. You're going to have to say something to her soon or she will think you are insane._ At this, he straightened up and knocked on the door. "Hello?"

"The door's open," he heard her voice call. He opened up the door and set down the tray on the short table next to a tea set. He raised his eyebrow, then turned to see a cup and saucer next to her as she sat at the desk in the room, writing something. _Her hair is down. Too tempting. _"I see you really were hungry. You decided to start without me?" he teased.

Elissa turned her head and laughed as she looked at the tray Nathaniel had brought. "And a bottle of wine? If we drink all this we'll float away. Although it was sweet of you to send up tea and crackers so I wouldn't get too hungry before dinner."

_I didn't send anything up before now._ Suddenly, Nathaniel's heart felt like ice. _Something is very wrong. _He crossed the room to where Elissa was sitting in three steps, hauling her up from the desk as her eyes went wide. He sniffed the teacup that was sitting next to Elissa's seat. _Poison! Maker help us!_


	19. Cloak and Dagger

CHAPTER 19

The need to be as _far_ away from the tea as possible propelled Nathaniel to push Elissa up against the far wall. As he tried very hard not to panic, he held her face in his hands while he examined her eyes and checked her temperature. As he was looking for poison symptoms, he started asking her questions. "How much did you drink? Did you eat anything? How long ago did you start drinking?"

The urgency in his voice caused Elissa to pale, her tattoos and eyes standing out further as she asked, "Poison?" His nod caused her to gasp, but she collected herself almost immediately and spoke quickly, her voice low. "I didn't drink or eat anything yet – the tea was too hot. It arrived about fifteen minutes ago. I didn't recognize the person who brought it to the door. She said she was filling in for Sorcha and that she was new. She had short brown hair and was average height. Blue eyes. She was wearing the same type of outfit that Sorcha wears when she's here." She searched Nathaniel's face. "She's probably long gone."

Nathaniel nodded, his mind going so fast he couldn't keep up with it. "Probably, but I'm going to look anyway." He kissed her then, fiercely tasting her as if he wanted to gather her very soul into himself. "Lock the door behind me. Don't let anyone else in. I'll be right back." He then strode out of the room, trying not to run. He stood at the upper balcony, his knuckles white on the rail as he scanned the crowd. He tried to project an outward aura of calm but his insides were _screaming. _

_Nobody there. Not that fits that description._ He turned to check the hardly-known entrance to the smuggler's docks from the storage room. _Locked. Looks like it's not been used recently._ He swore vehemently under his breath and returned to Elissa's room, and knocked on the door. "It's me."

After a moment, the door unlocked and Nathaniel opened it. He turned and locked the door behind him and managed to walk three steps into the room before he started shaking.

_Somebody tried to kill Elissa._

_Somebody tried to kill her, and it nearly worked. If I hadn't come when I did, or if we hadn't been in the habit of sharing meals... Maker, Anders is across town! The cowards knew they couldn't beat her in a fair fight so they tried to- And I never told her-_

Elissa's face filled his vision. She was holding HIS face, now, and rubbing her thumbs on his cheeks, and murmuring something to him. It took him a few moments to be able to focus on what she was saying, to figure out the words.

"Nathaniel, it's all right. The worst is over. We're all right. It's all right." She kept murmuring softly to him, her touch easing his uncontrolled trembling, her voice keeping him _there_ with _her_ instead of inside where the darkest thoughts threatened to take over. As his awareness increased, he realized his hands had a death grip on Elissa's hips and that her lips were swollen. He forced himself to relax and brought a hand up to touch her mouth.

"I've bruised you," he said, his voice sounding strange in his own ears. "I'm sorry."

Elissa laughed, a low chuckle that did very interesting things to his insides. "Welcome back." She sounded amused. "And there's no need to be sorry. It was worth it." She looked serious again. "Are you all right? I thought for a moment maybe you had been poisoned instead of me." She continued to study his face.

"Me? No. I just … I," Nathaniel swallowed hard, "If you had," he closed his eyes, trying not to think of it too much, "If you had been -" Elissa put a finger on his mouth to silence him, but he _had_ to tell her, it wouldn't stay inside, "If I had lost you, it would have been _unbearable_." He went completely still then, eyes still closed. _Not how I planned to tell her._

"Nathaniel, look at me." His eyes opened against his will at the softly spoken command. Elissa was still looking at him, her observant eyes seeing _everything_ in his soul, before she spoke next. "I love you too."

Suddenly their arms were around each other, her hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer, his hands in her hair, _so soft_, their lips and tongues battling, _tastes so sweet,_ and they _fit_ together so well, it was so _right... _He tilted her head back and devoured her neck as she moaned, a low, throaty sound that went straight to his loins, _yes..._

It took a heroic effort, but with a disappointed groan he somehow managed to disentangle himself from her hair and eyes and lips and hold her at arms' length to talk to her. Her breathing was as uneven as his, her face flushed, and her eyes unfocused as she made a frustrated sound in her throat.

"I want to make love with you," he said, his voice rough. Her eyes went half-lidded and she murmured something that sounded like _oh yes._ "But now is not a good time. We could be … _interrupted_." He stroked her cheek, willing her to understand. "As soon as the timing is better ..." he let the sentence hang.

Elissa laughed breathlessly. "I'm going to hold you to that," she replied, her voice husky. The sound was like liquid fire in his veins, but he pulled up his last ounce of willpower and forced himself to let go of her so they could both calm down and remember how to think.

Seeing the teapot sitting innocuously on the sofa table helped tremendously to remind him why they had stopped. He sat down heavily on the sofa and opened the lid to the teapot to smell it again. Elissa sat next to him, suddenly sober as well. "Can you tell what it is?" she asked.

Nathaniel thought for a moment, trying to single out the poison smell from the tea. Finally he had placed it. "It's a Crow poison," he said, "but whoever did this did it wrong. It's supposed to be put on a blade, not slipped into a drink. Just as fatal," and he swallowed heavily, "but whoever did this is an amateur."

Elissa nodded. "So, not a Crow then, but someone else." She thought for a bit. "If they're amateurs, they might try to come back."

They decided to wait quietly in her room, taking turns keeping watch while the other slept. Elissa insisted that Nathaniel sleep first. He didn't think he would be able to, but he didn't remember anything between when his head hit the pillow and when a soft kiss and long hair tickled him awake. He opened his eyes to see Elissa smiling at him, her mouth just above his. He took advantage of her proximity, and after a few breathless moments, he let her up. _I can definitely handle waking up this way._ "My turn?"

Elissa nodded. "Nothing has happened yet," she whispered. "Although I heard the others stumbling in a couple of hours ago. I'm surprised they didn't wake you."

"I'm surprised too. Oghren isn't exactly quiet when he's drunk." He grinned and sat up, moving so she could lie down and pulling the covers over her to make her more comfortable. He sat back on the edge of the bed, stroking her hair until she fell asleep. Then he moved silently to the side of the door and waited while the lanterns in the room finally burned low.

He was leaning against the wall, letting his mind wander, when he heard quiet footsteps in the hall. They were almost silent but with the entire tavern asleep it was easy to pick them out. _I think this is it. There's no reason to sneak around here otherwise._ He loosened up, ready for anything, as the steps paused outside Elissa's door. The quiet jingle of metal and the slight clicking of the door lock being picked confirmed his suspicion.

The door swung open hesitantly, and a cloaked figure entered the room. _Short. A woman perhaps? _ He waited until she had carefully closed the door and started to cross the room, seemingly focused on Elissa sleeping in her bed. Then, he struck. He snuck up behind the intruder, grabbing the edge of her cloak and pulling it over her head before tripping her with his foot. He wrapped his arms around her, knocking her to the floor. The intruder's head made a heavy thud against the floor and then her whole body went still.

He wasn't taking any chances, however; he shifted his weight so he could reach some rope he had gotten ready for such a purpose and began to tie the intruder's hands. Elissa got out of bed; apparently cracking a would-be assassin's head on the floor served to wake her up. She knelt next to where Nathaniel was now securing the intruder's feet. "We have a visitor, I see," she murmured.

"Yes." Nathaniel finished tying up their 'guest' and relieved the prone form of all weapons he could find. _This one certainly carries a lot of daggers._ "Now, let's see who it is."

He turned the intruder over and Elissa removed the cloak. Pointy ears and blonde hair surfaced, connected to a masculine face. Elissa's eyes widened, her face a look of total shock as she whispered, "Zevran?"


	20. Prodigal Son

CHAPTER 20

"Untie him," she said.

_Did I hear that right?_ "Wait, what?"

Elissa laid a hand on Nathaniel's arm. "I'm sure he's got a good reason for sneaking in here. And we already decided that our earlier _friend_ was no Crow."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow and looked her squarely in the eye. "How do we know he's not returned to the Crows? How do we know we can trust him?"

Elissa's wry smile spoke volumes. "Trust me, he's not returned to the Crows. And he never lied to me before, even when he actually _did_ try to kill me."

"Not. Helping." Nathaniel shook his head. "If you say so. But I'm keeping his weapons." He started to untie the unconscious elf.

"Thank you. This means a lot to me. And to him." Elissa helped Nathaniel undo the remaining knots and laid Zevran out on the sofa. While they were applying a poultice to the unconscious elf's rapidly swelling bruise, she continued in a soft voice. "Zev was the only one of my friends who stayed with me after the blight. If he hadn't stayed with me, I would have been completely alone. He kept me from doing something really, really stupid to myself when I hit my lowest point. I owe him the chance to talk as equals."

"Then where was he the past several months?" Nathaniel asked, frustrated. "Shouldn't he have been with us?"

Elissa shook her head. "He thought he had to leave to protect me. He didn't, but he thought he did. He promised to return though, if he could." The elf in question began to stir. "And it seems he has."

A few moments later, Zevran groaned and his eyes fluttered open. He looked up and saw Elissa's face first and put his hand to his head. "Ah, I see I am not tied up. We have made much progress, my dear Warden, since we first met." He gingerly swung his legs off the sofa and sat up. "I see that you have the Howe fellow with you. He is the one who captured me this time, I take it?" Elissa nodded in confirmation. "Quite effective and quiet, that one. Very good at what he does. I feel better that you are in his hands, so to speak."

"Thank you, I think." Nathaniel answered. "But now you have some explaining to do. Friends don't normally break into one's room in the middle of the night." He loomed over Zevran. "This had better be good, by the way."

Zevran laughed. "I can understand your reluctance to trust my intentions. These are, after all, rather odd circumstances, are they not?" he asked good-naturedly. He put his hand into a pocket in his breeches and pulled out a vial. He tossed it to Nathaniel, and waited for Nathaniel to inspect its contents.

Nathaniel opened the vial and smelled it. "It's the antidote to the poison that was in the tea," he informed Elissa. With that, he capped the vial and tossed it back. "That doesn't explain why you knew what to bring, nor why you were sneaking in to bring it."

"That it does not, my handsome friend," Zevran said. "I will explain, then, as I am also sure that our mutual friend is wondering why it took me so long to return to her side as promised."

"I admit, I expected your trip to be much shorter, Zev," Elissa replied. "I'd like to hear what you've been up to."

"Then I shall begin my tale," Zevran announced with a flourish. "I left you not long before you were announced Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, as you well know. I managed to catch a boat almost immediately to Antiva, where I had planned to set things straight with the Crows. I was hoping to avoid having them come after you to get to me, as you were … not feeling well at the time. The trip went quickly, as the weather was good, and I arrived in Antiva City, ready to face what was to come. Imagine my surprise," here the elf looked at Elissa with a bemused expression, "when I was greeted at the docks and captured."

Elissa's eyes narrowed. "They weren't supposed to harm you," she growled.

Zevran laughed. "Oh, but they did not, my dear lady. They merely detained me to explain that my trip was in vain, as a beautiful woman from Ferelden had purchased me, so to speak, from the Crows and gained their vow that I would not be harmed. And for a great deal of coin! Most marvelous! I believe that they thought, and rightfully so, that I would have started _negotiating_ for my freedom in a less peaceful manner." Zevran looked at Elissa calculatingly. "Quite a clever move, my dear, to contract for my life in this manner! I wish I had thought of it before!" He laughed again. "It is too bad I wasted a trip to learn of it."

"I had just finished negotiating the contract with Ignacio the day you disappeared," Elissa explained. "I had his reassurance that everything was settled in Antiva, and had planned to surprise you with the news and give you the contract later that day. I wasn't sure they would allow me to make that contract happen, so I didn't say anything beforehand."

"I am not quite sure how you managed it myself. Such a thing is unheard of in the Crows. Anyway, with my freedom secure, so long as I agreed to avoid Antiva in the future, I headed on the next ship back to Ferelden. I arrived in Denerim, but too late to catch you heading to Amaranthine. So I found Ignacio myself and asked him about new goings-on." Zevran paused briefly. "I learned that there had been … inquiries … about you, and since the Crows are not accepting any new contracts on your lovely head, the inquiries had not progressed as the clients preferred."

Elissa raised an eyebrow. "Did you find out the clients?"

Zevran shook his head. "Not at that time, no. But I did learn that they came from your new arling, and decided that I would try to repay the favor you had so kindly bestowed upon me without my knowledge. I went to visit Alistair next and got him to hire me to learn where the problems came from and eliminate them."

"I find that hard to believe," Elissa murmured. "You actually got Alistair to agree to hire you out as his personal assassin?"

Zevran laughed again. "Oh, no. I knew he would not agree to such a thing outright. I merely asked him to cover my expenses while I _researched_ the potential problems you could come into with many people still loyal to Rendon Howe. He was concerned enough for you, knowing that you were likely to be attacked, that he was more than willing to have friends looking out for you where he could not."

"Interesting," Nathaniel said. "So you've been in Ferelden for the past several months then?"

Zevran nodded. "Yes. I decided that it would be easier to discover any plots if I was not associated with you directly, so I kept my return a secret. I came to the city, since it is much easier to blend in here, and made my base in the Alienage. I recruited several people to assist me and started operating my organization. You met one of our men yesterday, in fact."

Elissa's eyebrows furrowed for a minute, then her face cleared as she laughed. "You're the Dark Wolf!"

"Indeed," Zevran grinned. "Or rather, each of us claims he is the Dark Wolf. It makes our work quite effective, you see. And many of the nobles' underpaid servants enjoy making extra coin to tell us their secrets, so we do good business. I thought that since I was part of the original Dark Wolf's adventures, I should be able to continue the work done in her name."

"Absolutely," Elissa agreed. "I can't think of a more fitting name to use."

"Exactly, my friend. So, with my network, I began to learn what was what, and who was who. Your elimination of the less clever members of the conspiracy helped greatly, as it gave us time to discover the identities of the remaining members. Unfortunately, it did not buy enough time, as there were plans in motion to try upon your life again." Here, Zevran looked grim. "We managed to take care of the most immediate threats, but still had to discover the leader of this little band. That was most difficult. Also, did you know it is not as easy as you would think to come up with half a dozen 'accidents,' each of a different nature, without arousing suspicion?"

"The accidents that have plagued the nobles," Nathaniel realized. "You were behind them."

"Yes, my men and I have been striking first, so that our lovely Warden would not have to worry about them. But, as I said, the leader had not been found until yesterday. I received word from my men that this tavern had a server who had never worked here before, and that this server had brought Elissa her afternoon tea. She was followed back to Bann Esmerelle's estate, and we apprehended her after she left work for the day."

"Esmerelle," Nathaniel said. "We should have known."

Zevran continued. "The young lady in question still had the vial of poison on her that she had emptied into the tea, and I knew that I had time to give the antidote based on the poison in question. So I decided to … _take care … _of our ringleader before she could send anyone else to the tavern." Zevran's face twisted into an angry snarl before he composed himself and resumed his carefree demeanor. "The Bann will not be making your appointment tomorrow. She was most distraught this evening over an illicit romance gone awry, and has hanged herself in her despair. I _personally_ made sure of it."

Elissa sat there, saying nothing for a moment. Then, "What next?"

Zevran said, "This, my friends, is where you two come in. I waited until the patrons of the tavern had gone home and came in to administer the antidote. My plan was to ensure your safety and then disappear again in case there are any more plans afoot. I was not aware of your sleeping arrangements. Is this a new development, dear Warden?"

Elissa smiled, and Nathaniel thought he saw faint trace of a blush on her cheeks. "I … yes. Quite new, in fact." She returned to the original subject. "So that's when Nathaniel caught you and knocked you out."

"Indeed. Since you are quite obviously well, I will be taking my leave. My plan is now to make sure that the worst of the conspiracies are ended, after resting from this headache I seem to have acquired. Then I will be making my official, triumphant return from Antiva shortly thereafter, when I will come to Vigil's Keep to help train your recruits, as originally promised."

Elissa nodded. "That sounds like a good plan, Zev. And .. thank you. I'm lucky to have friends like you." She leaned over and patted Zevran's knee.

"No, it is I who am the lucky one, my dear. Although I really wish you had waited for me to start the _celebrations._ The offer still stands, you know." Elissa grinned and shook her head. "No? Well, it was worth a try." Zevran chuckled and gathered his things. "I hope to see you within the next few weeks, my dear. Until then, I believe you are in good hands." He smiled and bowed before pulling the hood of his cloak over his head and letting himself out.

A few hours later, Nathaniel and Elissa pretended to be surprised when the messenger brought news of Bann Esmerelle's suicide. The Wardens investigated her death personally and, unsurprisingly, found no signs of foul play. With no other leads, the Wardens were forced to conclude that the timing of the accidents was coincidental. They headed back home the following day.


	21. Madness

CHAPTER 21

The next several days passed by incredibly quickly. Elissa wasn't kidding when she said that she hardly got a moment's rest at the keep. Even with Nathaniel helping her to organize the flow of construction workers, money, merchants and servants, neither of them was able to grab more than a couple of hours of sleep a night. Both of them would get up at daybreak and work until the wee hours of the morning, when they were both too exhausted to do more than pass out holding each other after a brief kiss goodnight.

After the third day back from Amaranthine, Elissa threw her hands up in the air and declared that they needed a new seneschal and fast. "I'm going to write to Denerim," she said. "I hope the person I have in mind is available."

The person she had in mind was indeed available. A week later, they had a new arrival. Elissa and Nathaniel met him at the gates.

"My lady," he said. "When I got your letter I was surprised and honored that you would consider me for the job. I hope I can live up to your expectations."

Elissa laughed. "It's all right, Kylon. The thing I want most from a seneschal is to keep things organized around here. And if there is the need for you to take over the right of high justice, I wanted a man with your common sense. And," her voice took on a teasing note, "I figured you had dealt enough with bastard second sons and their courtiers' bosoms."

Nathaniel blinked as Kylon shook his head. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you," he muttered. "And now I have to explain myself." He looked at Nathaniel. "When I met the fair Lady Cousland, I was captain of the guard in Denerim's market district. I didn't know who she was other than she was a Grey Warden. I went on a rant about some of my subordinates, saying disparaging things about second bastard sons of nobles and their courtiers, when our future king was standing right _behind_ her." He continued as Nathaniel laughed. "It's a good thing the King has a sense of humor about these things."

Elissa grinned. "And that frankness made me like you immediately, good Ser. Welcome to Vigil's Keep." She introduced the new seneschal to the other Wardens and to Garevel, and instructed Garevel to explain the duties of the job as best he could to Kylon, seeing as Garevel had worked with Varel on a day-to-day basis.

Once Kylon was shown his room and had gotten settled, Nathaniel took note of Elissa's exhaustion. "You need to go rest," he said. "I can handle things for today and you look like you're about to fall over." It didn't take much convincing for him to send her to her room for a long-overdue nap, and he took over her duties for the rest of the afternoon.

It was getting close to dinnertime, and Elissa hadn't shown herself yet, so Nathaniel decided to go and wake her for dinner. He entered her room to find her curled up under her covers, fast asleep. _She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. _He slid into bed behind her and curled around her sleeping form. She smiled in her sleep and mumbled his name as he put his arms around her. _Just for a moment, then I'll wake her for dinner._

The next thing he knew, the room was very nearly dark except for the hall light shining in through the open doorway. Anders was quietly putting something on the table in Elissa's sitting area. "What time is it?" Nathaniel mumbled. "I fell asleep."

"So I see," the mage said quietly, the smile evident in his voice. "You both missed dinner so I thought I would bring you something. The food will keep, so you can eat whenever you feel like getting out of bed. The new seneschal already started work and he's pretty good, so you two can rest as long as you want. We've got it covered."

"Thanks," Nathaniel said as he buried his nose in Elissa's hair. He was loathe to leave the warmth and rosy scent that surrounded him.

"Oh, one more thing," Anders added. "Elissa's friend Zevran showed up. Oghren is catching up with him now," and here Anders chuckled softly. "I told him that you two needed rest, and he said that was fine, but to tell her that he's back and he's done with his travels for now. He said he would talk to you tomorrow."

Nathaniel nodded as he drifted back to sleep.

When his eyes opened again, sunlight filled the room. He was still curled around Elissa, but her hand stroking his arm let him know she was awake. "Good morning," he whispered as he leaned over to nuzzle her neck.

"Mmm," she replied as she turned to face him. "Sleep well?" She smiled at him, her eyes still a little sleepy but the dark circles underneath nearly gone.

Nathaniel smiled at her. "Yes."

"You know, your whole face lights up when you smile," she said. "I find it incredibly attractive." She put her arm around his waist and leaned forward to kiss him.

Nathaniel grunted an answer as he met her halfway. Soon, their breathing quickened and gentleness fled in the wake of pent-up need. The need to touch, the need to taste, the need to _feel_ overwhelmed Nathaniel even as he tried to hold back, to make the moments last. But she was _there_ and _responsive_ and her smell surrounded him while she moaned for him, just for him, and before he knew it they were completely naked and he was covering her, trembling, poised to join with her and make her _his._

He paused then and looked into her eyes. "I love you," he panted.

She smiled at him, equally breathless, as she scratched her nails down his back, causing him to groan. "I love you." And then she wrapped her legs around him and drew him into her.

Madness consumed him; his vision went hazy and his mind and body were screaming for _more_ and all he could see was her face and she was watching him as she moved with him, then she threw her head back and cried out as she went still, her legs tightening around him as the roaring in his ears got louder and drowned out all else -

Then, he was back in his own body, spent, and she was looking up at him with a distinctly _satisfied_ smile on her face as he lowered his head to take her mouth the way he had just taken her body. "Wow," she said after a searing kiss.

He laughed then, resting his head on her shoulder, feeling weak and strong all at the same time. "Yes."

They lingered some more, touching and experiencing each other more thoroughly now that the madness had receded. Then he remembered, "I was supposed to tell you something." He propped up on his elbows, still connected to her, and looked down at her. "I don't remember what it was right now though."

A slow, lazy smile crept onto her face and she laughed. "Let's do it again, I hope."

Nathaniel grinned. "As my lady commands." And he kissed her again.

FIN


End file.
